Hillbilly Land

Well, tomorrow I'm going to be in Saint Louis, Missouri. I'll be there until Friday. Uh.. so yeah, if you're wondering why I'm not online, that's why. I really don't want to go. Hopefully you're smart enough to check this blog to see that that's why I'm gone...... Blah.

Be My Unholy, My One And My Only

"This story is a complete waste of the eyesight that you will lose reading it." ;)

Ho hum, I don't know what to write about. Today was the pre-Christmas thing that everyone does; I basically just ate like twenty cookies and a decent amount of candy. My Secret Santa was Sam, and he got me a Boys Like Girls tee(!!!!!!!). Right now I'm glad we have break, but I know in like two days I'm going to want to go back to school. When I'm home all day, I just have too much time to think. And a lot of that thinking is about Connor.

Like over Thanksgiving break, when I deluded myself in believing I stood a chance with him? Yeah. I feel like such a freak.. I like him so much and he can barely remember my name. Stalker much? But yeah... every time I see him I get the butterflies and then upset that pretty much all I can do is say hi. I do want to spend more time around him, and yet I don't want to hang out with his friends at lunch (no offense). I want to hang out with Nicole when her group gets together, but at the same time I don't. I don't know.


To be despised, to be loved.
To be dreamt of, to be sought.
On the inside I don't care
Right in the middle,
I'm right in the middle
To be despised, to be loved.
To be dreamt of, to be sought.
On the inside I don't care
Be my unholy, my one and my only.
-One & Only by Timbaland (featuring Patrick Stump)

Hammers and Hearts

Life is just so random, don't you think? High school maybe. My life.

Anyways... last night I walked Christmas Card Lane with some of my friends, and while we were waiting to be picked up, we saw Nicole drive by. Then I knew. I knew he asked her.

He didn't, actually (he being Connor and she being Alli, DUH). I talked to Phil last night and he said that he didn't have the chance to ask her because he didn't go. I knew he was going to anyway, so whatever.

He did ask today. When class comp. started Nicole pulled me over and was like, "Hey I need to talk to you."
"He asked her." (Note, not a question, but a statement.)
"Yeah. So, how are you?"
"Well it kind of sucks."
"She doesn't even like him anymore."
I was really quiet after that, at least I think I was. Then after like an hour, I sat by Nicole and Alli and they were talking about what Alli should do, considering she didn't want to go out with him. Nicole was all, "You should break up with him, don't wait. Don't lead him on." So then Alli was like, "I can't do it, will you help me?"
At that point, I left.
Later, Nicole came up to me, "Hey guess what!"
"They broke up."
And she told me that Alli couldn't even do it herself; Nicole had to do it for her.

Nicole texted me saying how everything was good now, and I guess I went a little too far with badmouthing Alli, because Nicole got a little defensive, saying that Alli was good to her or whatever. I said sorry, but I'm thinking she's forgotten what exactly Alli has done to her. Whatever.



Now what happens? He's single, and probably upset. If not sad, then he's realized how stupid Alli is. And he's single *cough*. Did I mention he's single?




God, you don't know how much homework I have right now.

Praying For Our Lips To Touch

Those cartoons are from some Pon and Zi thing. And they're pretty much how I feel. Today at class comp Alli and Nicole were there right? So, we were practicing and some girl was like, "Alli, you have a message from Connor." And then Nicole was all "Oooh! Oooh! Lemme see!" And well, I haven't been feeling good since. It's honestly like I was just slapped in the face, and my heart totally crushed. You get the idea. :(

The Boy With The Thorn In His Side

I drew this during that time when I wasn't very happy... a couple months ago. It's a picture from The Boy with the Thorn in his Side by Peter Wentz. I didn't make it, or design it, or whatever. I just copied it out of the book. (not traced, just copied)



Well, as I told Nicole, the reasons I'm upset about Connor are: I'm not going to get over him any time soon. And he's not going to like me any time soon either. I'm a spoiled brat about this. I have everything that someone could want (well, cept a boyfriend). It's just stupid. You know I've liked him for a year? It's hard to believe anything is going to happen now that didn't happen a year ago.

I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers

Hey ya'll. Just got back from Nicole's party (well kinda). It wasn't terrible. There's just a lot of stuff to think about which is kind of why I'm here.

1. Connor(because you all want to know): I'm speechless. Really. I don't know how I can convey this in cyberspace. Let's start with the fact that I talked to him. Multiple times. Okay, so far so good. I sat next to him on the couch... he played with my phone... I can't fucking believe he likes Alli. My God. Really, I don't think you know how I feel. Well, Nicole was right, they seriously do not talk. It's wrong to be mad at her; it's not like she's doing it to make me mad or something. You can't understand. I don't feel good. I feel sick. I sat next to Connor when he was playing guitar. That was a super huge deal for me. And then when I would get in his way or something and I needed to move, he would lightly guide me out of the way. Don't fucking congratulate me. This feeling is not good.

2. Nicole and Phil: Sickeningly sweet. Emphasis on the sickening. It's me being bitter, stupid, jealous. And seriously, I'm happy for them. I just want a guy to look at me the way Phil looks at Nicole.

3. Being lonely: It wasn't that bad. But I sure had to make it unbad. The deal was that Phil would stick with me so I wasn't left out the whole time. Yeah, right. Him and Nicole were all fucking over each other. It was good that Rachael was there, and I talked to Alicia and Danny too. Whatever.



That's all. And I can't even describe it right.

A Beautiful Lie

"It's time to forget about the past
To wash away what happened last
Hide behind an empty face
Don't ask too much, just say
That this is just a game"
-A Beautiful Lie by 30 Seconds to Mars

I think I should just let the lyrics speak for themselves.

Love Never Wanted Me

Well, Connor does like Alli for sure. And he plans on asking her out.

I thought I could actually do something. I guess not.

CLOTHES OFF!

Sighh. The Fall Out Boy concert last night was fucking amazing.

Alright, so Nicole and I got there at like 4:30. We waited outside for about two hours until they finally let us in. Once in we got to the floor and sat down. Then all of a sudden, everybody got up and ran to the front of the floor (don't know why).

So we're all standing there for a while, when Doug from Doug Does Decaydance comes out. He played a few songs: Dance, Dance, But It's Better if you Do, and some song from Snakes on a Plane. He was pretty good.

Then Cute is What we Aim For came out. We weren't really moshing, but the crowd was moving around and it was pretty insane. And not fun. So Cute is What we Aim For was good, but I only knew two songs: The Curse of Curves, and There's a Class for This. After they were done Rachael and Nicole and I got off the floor.

We went to get nachos and Pepsi and I got a Fall Out Boy hoodie and Nicole got me a late birthday present (Fall Out Boy tote).

We took some seats in the back for Plain White Ts. I felt kind of bad because I only knew Hey There Delilah, but that's okay. Right after they started Hey There Delilah, there was this huge boom. I have no idea what happened, but the band was just like, "Well, I hope no one's dead." Hahaha.

After Plain White Ts, the Gym Class Heroes came out. Well, first Soulja Boy rapped for a little bit, which was kind of like whatever. Then they played Cupid's Chokehold. It was actually pretty cool; they got the crowd really pumped. Travis was talking and he was all, "How many parents are there out in the crowd? See, all you little fuckers wouldn't be here without your parents! So when you next see them, I want you to go up to them, give them a kiss on the cheek, and say, 'I fucking love you.'" Yeah, he was funny. And then he talked about his sexy hand. Hahaha. When he raised his sexy hand, we had to get louder. Finally they started to play Clothes Off. AND PATRICK MARTIN STUMPH RAN OUT ON THE STAGE SINGING AND JUMPING AROUND. I PRETTY MUCH DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN. Nicole and Rachael and I were screaming, and screaming, and screaming. FUCKING AWESOME. I will never ever forget that feeling.

Once Gym Class Heroes were done, Fall Out Boy put up a screen with a picture kind of like Where the Wild Things Are (cause it's called the Young Wild Things Tour). All of a sudden, the lights dim. They play this slideshow kind of thing with pictures of the Happy Tree Pals in The Carpal Tunnel of Love, pictures of bandmembers, the eye and keyhole. It turns into a sort of shooting gallery and ends with a shot at Pete. It machine gun effect and the blood that comes up reads 'fall out boy'. You see a light shining behind the screen on Andrew Hurley. And then the stage lights up, and the screen drops. SUGAR, WE'RE GOIN DOWN. DUDE. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. They played amazingly, and they played all of the songs I wanted them to. Sugar We're Goin Down, Where is Your Boy?, I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me, HUM HALLELUJAH, THE CARPAL TUNNEL OF LOVE, Bang The Doldrums, THRILLER, "The Take Over, The Break's Over" (which I will forever know as "The Take Over, The Fucking Break's Over," due to Pete's introduction), XO, A LITTLE LESS SIXTEEN CANDLES, A LITTLE MORE "TOUCH ME", I'M LIKE A LAWYER WITH THE WAY I'M ALWAYS TRYING TO GET YOU OFF (ME & YOU), The (After)Life of the Party, Golden (Acoustic), some Christmas song (also acoustic), THIS AINT A SCENE IT'S AN ARMS RACE (WITH FIRE!!), THNKS FR TH MMRS, DANCE, DANCE, AND SATURDAY! During Saturday, they shot the confetti. I took some.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=CzIrawEQ0hA
In short, Joe, Patrick, Pete, and Andy were amazing. BEST CONCERT EVER. I'm so sad it's over :( But you can bet your ass I'm going when they come back next time.

XO

Hey y'all. I'm super bored right now! I think I'll tell you about what happened with Connor today. Fun stuff.

Well, I did talk to him! I like went to throw something away and he was there alone by the trash can and I went, "Hey what's up?"
He was eating something so we played charades for a second.
Him: *points to mouth*
Me: Uhh, your mouth is full?
Him: *shakes head* *points to mouth again and sees me smile, then pointing at my mouth*
Me: Braces?
Him: *nods and does a twisting motion with his hands*
Me: You just got them tightened?
Him: *swallows* No but I'm going to today.
Me: Aw that sucks.. I have an appointment next week. Ooh, I'm getting mine off soon!
Him: Pshh, I still have like.. 10 appointments left.
Me: Aw, yeah, I've had mine forever too.

:)


Dude-- I totally just read this quote:
"Forget about this other girl and start worrying about yourself, if you really want to be a contender. You’ve got to get in the game before you can knock out your opponent. So quit feeling sorry for yourself. Take action. Do yourself up; flirt with his friends. Make him notice you. Make him work for it." -Shug, by Jenny Han
(if you couldn't guess, the other girl is Alli)

Just Do It!

Mmkay, a lot to talk about since I last posted.

Firstly, the title Just Do It is the song we've been practicing after school for two days now, two hours a day for class comp. It's permanently stuck in my head and I just kind of break out dancing at random times (but that's okay :). I am the only white person that goes to class comp. Just thought I'd throw that in there. The words 'just do it' sorta apply to my life right now.

Connor, Connor, Connor, Connor, Connor...
Well.
My last and very short post told you that Connor likes Alli (I mean, maybe, but probably). I got really upset for like, two hours. Then I talked to Phil and I was still sad and he was comforting me and stuff, and it just clicked. Alli means nothing to me. And right now, the plan is to steal his attention away from her. It's not a likely goal... but it's all I have. I'm making goals for myself every day. Today, it was to say 'hey.' I said 'hi' and Phil made a big deal about it so I feel kind of stupid... But I said hi one time and then another time waved at him. Sooo yeah. The goal for tomorrow is to make small talk with him.

And Nicole, update your fricking blog!

I'd Do Anything

Well, guess what Nicole just told me! According to Kassie, Connor likes Alli too! Isn't that just FANFRICKINTASTIC news?!

I'm Supposed to Love You

Alert the media: I talked to Connor today. Yes, yes I did. I am still in shock. So we were standing there and Connor was talking to Phil and I could just tell that Phil was like, 'TALK TO HIM OLIVIA!!!' I was hoping that Phil could keep him there for a little longer so I could get myself together, and then Alli comes over and is totally flirting with Connor, so I sucked it up and got his attention. I probably sounded like a mental patient though.

Me: Hey Connor, do you remember me?
Him: Umm... yes.
Me[smiling]: Then what's my name?
Him: Uhhhhh... It was something... something like.. Rose?
Me: Uh no. :)
Alicia: cough cough it's like Olive cough cough
Connor: Olivia!
Me[smiling still]: Yep, and you know me from...?
Connor: Eighth grade!
Me: So now you have to say hi to me when you see me :)

Oh yes, look at my attempt at flirting. That's not exactly how it went, I mean, how am I supposed to remember all the details. Plus I was standing there trying to stay in the conversation while not totally melting. Hahaha.

Harder to Breath

Asdklfahdklj.

Phil just told me that Alli likes Connor too. I don't know why it even freaking matters that much, but suddenly I realize that I stand no chance with him. Sure, Alli is a bitch. Sure, I'm a better person than her. But (if Connor goes out with her) that just means I lost the guy. Again. Being the better person doesn't really matter then, does it? It shouldn't really affect me this much. I personally don't think Connor would like Alli (but what the hell do I know. He liked Alyssa last year). It's like... Just making small talk at lunch isn't going to really help at all. There goes my hope.

To Do list for today:
1. Stop thinking about Connor. God.
2. Do math homework.
3. Stop thinking about the Alli situation.
4. Mentally prepare myself for school tomorrow.
5. Pick an outfit for tomorrow.
6. Mentally prepare myself for the concert Saturday.
7. Stop pitying myself.

Ready and Waiting to Fall

Don't bother with me being self-pitying.
"I could learn to pity fools as I'm the worst of all
And I can't stop feeling sorry for myself."
-Don't You Know Who I Think I Am? by Fall Out Boy

Gah, I knew Fall Out Boy had some lyric about self-pity but I forgot what it was and what song it was in. I had to find it...

So yeah, if you really hate it when people mope around and feel bad for themselves, then this is not the post for you (although I know you'll read it anyway).

Really, if I do actually talk to Connor, he will never like me back. I am hopeless. Scratch that. I'm hopelessly hopeful that HE's just hopeless enough (more FOB). But I truly honestly believe that I don't stand a chance with him. And if you've read this far, blah blah blah, I know I'll get a boyfriend EVENTUALLY. Uh, probably. But IIII waaannnttt ooonnnneee nnnooowww. While everyone has someone, I have no one.





...Piss me off.

Everywhere

'Cause you're everywhere to me. And when I close my eyes, it's you I see. You're everything I know that makes me believe I'm not alone. I'm not alone.

Actually, he is everything I know that makes believe I am alone. But whatever. I don't love him, okay? I'm a stupid girl with a crush that thinks it's love because he paid the slightest bit of attention to me. It's not love.

Lalala, I still don't believe he remembers me.
He doesn't.
How would you know anyway?
You don't know what I know.
You don't know what I feel.

He doesn't remember me.



Wow, looks like a poem.

Tired of Being Sorry

Hokay. It's nice writing here because I pretty much have no human contact outside of my family (oh, and my brother's friends). That gives me a lot of time to think, as you can imagine.

Sooo I talked to Phil about what I wrote yesterday. About getting my hopes up. Here, I'll just post the convo:
ojaybean: hey you know how you were talking to me about connor the other day
jdmdrifterkarate: yepp
jdmdrifterkarate: wut about it?
ojaybean: and like, okay, you probably dont even remember but it stuck in my mind
ojaybean: you were trying to convince me that he knows who i am and you told me that he looked at me every time i passed
ojaybean: and i really dont want to get my hopes up
jdmdrifterkarate: y would i lie?
ojaybean: so i know youre trying to help, but try not to say anything that will get my hopes up
ojaybean: i dont know
jdmdrifterkarate: im not
ojaybean: because you wanted me to feel better
jdmdrifterkarate: kk, not all the time
jdmdrifterkarate: but most of the tme
jdmdrifterkarate: i promise
jdmdrifterkarate: he oes
jdmdrifterkarate: does*
ojaybean: ..and does he look at a lot of people?
jdmdrifterkarate: well, no, just kinda
jdmdrifterkarate: when i say, hey wasup, he look at u
jdmdrifterkarate: and then talks to me
jdmdrifterkarate: and seriuos;y
jdmdrifterkarate: for a guy, that means a lot
ojaybean: okay
ojaybean: well i just wanted to make sure
ojaybean: like not trying to get you to reassure me
ojaybean: but just a warning: i get my hopes up waaay too much

But even though he might look at me more than other people (I guess?), that does NOT mean he remembers me. He's probably thinking, 'Gosh, where have I seen her before?' Which is actually really probable. Like I said, I am the one looking at HIM when I pass, so I don't know what Phil's smoking.

Oh me, the ever optimistic one. Anyway, Nicole, I will ask you to either confirm or... not confirm. So I'll talk to you about it probably before you read this, so I don't really know why I'm writing it.

We're So Far Away

I don't feel very good. I'm incredibly bored and even lonely because Phil hasn't really been online today and Nicole's at some party and probably won't get on tonight... and she'll be gone all week for Vegas.

What I want to do right now is just talk to somebody about Connor. I know, stupid. But you know the feeling, when you like someone a whole lot and you just want to talk and talk and talk about them. Which kind of brings me to the bad feeling. I mean, part of me really does think I can start talking to him and stuff if I hang out with Phil and Nicole for a week. And then the other part of me, the part that's been hurt so many times before, says that he won't like me, I'm just getting my hopes up like I always do and I'll end up getting my heart broken. Again. Which brings me to feeling upset that I even HAVE a part that's been hurt like that; a side that doesn't even want to allow hope.
And Phil, he means well, he really does. And all of his comfort helps for a while, until I realize that he's making it up as he goes along. For some reason, he seems completely confident that Connor will somehow fall in love with me and of course ask me out because I'm so sweet and kind and he'll just be the luckiest guy in the world because he has me. You see how this helps for a while, right? And then I remember how I thought Connor liked me before, but he really liked Alyssa Garcia. And then even after that when Jordan was sure that he like ME. That made me really, really happy, until he forgot me. And to this, Phil says it's really really hard for a guy to ask a girl out, so Connor was probably just being shy. Again, Phil tells me that Connor's probably just too shy, and he really does remember me. Then I think, 'You know, that could be true.' And then I don't want to get my hopes up.
Which makes me think about Chad, when a lot of people thought he liked me too. Until I figured out the hard way that he didn't like me like that either. It's the worst feeling in the world to have your hopes up like that and then get them smashed down.
So anyway, Phil was trying to convince me that Connor did remember me. He told me that Connor looks at me every time I walk past their group or whatever. I mean, please. I'M the one looking at him, and I know that he, in fact, does not look at me. Then I have to go and freaking get my hopes up AGAIN, thinking that what Phil's saying might be true. It sort of makes me want to tell Phil that while his efforts are appreciated, it really works best in the long run not to say things that get my hopes up. To which I KNOW he would reply, "What are you talking about?! Of course any guy would be lucky to be with you!"

-.- Thanks for listening to my babble.

Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

I like this title ^^
To explain the below post, I am going to be completely honest, even though I know Nicole will read this and it's not exactly complimenting her... Nicole, you might not want to read this.

So recently Nicole has had a tooooonn of drama with Ashley and Alli. I'm cool with being there for her and letting her rant to me. Anyways, what made me mad is that even though Ashley is not a good friend, and she constantly hurts Nicole, Nicole always picks her over me. Really. So I'm trying to listen to Nicole's crap about her friends and sometimes it's just like, "I'm sorry, but who's fault is this again?" So anyways, I just started to get slightly annoyed. Add to that the fact that Phil is a super hugemongous part of her life (at this time). So yesterday Nicole and I planned on hanging out today after school... until last night that is. Apparently Phil told his parents about Nicole and they got all mad about the stupid tradition thing and told him that he couldn't go out with her or whatever or else they would 'kick him out.' Nicole finds out: "I FUCKING HATE THIS. FUCKK." I talk to Phil about it: "Hold on, just let me do something. FUCK DAMN SHITTTTTTT." And right now I'm sort of tired of being the, I don't know, middle person? The person that they both go for advice and I always try my hardest to please them and it's just a lot of stress because so much is put on me... Anyways, Nicole asks me if I would wait for her after school so she can talk to Phil. Right then I was already pissed and trying not to show it (for her sake). So I just have to say, "Well what the crap do you expect me to do?" And suddenly she realizes I'm mad and she says she doesn't want to fight and whatever. The crazy part is the fact that I actually had to vent to Ginny about it, because I usually vent to Nicole or Phil but then I was kind of mad. Ginny kind of just said I was right, and that Nicole shouldn't change plans with me for Phil. I guess we ended up cancelling... and Nicole couldn't schedule it again because of her mom. But she's probably happy that we did cancel because she had a little rendezvous with Phil while we were supposed to be hanging out (oh yes, I know about that Nicole). AND I FEEL LIKE A HORRIBLE PERSON BECAUSE THIS IS PROBABLY RAINING ON HER PARADE RIGHT NOW.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~





I feel like the advice/comfort person. It flatters me because people trust me enough to come to me and believe I can help them. But then it becomes too much. I don't want to dissappoint people that need help. I don't want to see my friends upset or sad... even if it means that nobody really focuses on my problems.


Sam texted me today; he didn't make the soccer team. :( :( :( I tried my hardest to say something remotely comforting, and I couldn't think of anything good.

I am ashamed. Hating myself. I don't want to say it, for fear that it'll become real. If you want to ask me what it is, I'll probably tell you. Well, only if your name is Nicole or Phil (but Phil doesn't know about this blog so not really him).

WHY THE HELL DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO GET IN THIS CRAP THATS NOT EVEN MY PROBLEM

This is the Countdown

Blah blah, writing here about stuff I would just normally tell Nicole but Nicole has her own issues right now and I don't want to bother her with my stuff.

Firstly, today was in-cred-ib-ly boring. In english, Ms. Singleton pretty much talked the whole period about Of Mice and Men, and I was fighting sleep. It seemed like TIME STOPPED. Sam said he thought the period went by fast. Uhhhh... Well, I guess spanish wasn't horrible. I worked with Andy on the study guide :) No, I don't like him anymore like that. But he's still super cool. Over lunch I had a stupid key club meeting that was pretty much pointless. Math was really boring also. So we did the first lesson and the work, and I was okay for that. By the time the second hour started though, man, my brain just did not want to function. So after the second lesson, I just didn't do any of the work.

And now, the hightlight of my day (which is really pathetic). Let me back up... There's this guy who sits behind me in math who I told Ginny I thought was kind of nerdy-cute, but definitely not like a crush. So today I'm wearing this spaghetti strap shirt with a really low back, right? Well I guess he was blowing eraser stuff off his paper and he blew on my back and O.M.G. Hahahaha, sorry! It felt.. pretty good XD

Dancing in the Dark

So, last time I wrote about my feelings about Connor (yeah, still there). I really really really times a hundred want to talk to him. I keep telling myself that next time I see him I'll smile and say hey or whatever. It's kind of harder than it sounds. Like today, after school, I was walking, and I saw him. I was thinking 'Say hi say hi say hi.' I get near him and literally take in a breath... and chicken out. Then I kick myself for a long time afterwords over-analizing what I could have done or said.
...
So I was talking to Phil the other day and he was all being all nice and stuff and he asked me how I was, was anything wrong, the usual. I told him about how I feel like I help a lot of people and then everything is great for them, but then nothing great happens to me (which of course is me OVERREACTING and being SPOILED). Anyway, he consoled me. He besically said, "See, that's what I don't get. You help everyone you know, even people you barely know (like me). I know things haven't been going great for you now, but you have to trust me, something great will happen to you." Which, you know, I really needed.

Oh, and some totally awesome lyrics.
"You come over unannounced.
Silence broken by your voice in the dark.
I need you here tonight,
Just like the ocean needs the waves.

Fall around me now,
Like, stars that shine and brighten the way.
I need you here tonight,
Just like this night it needs the rain."
-The Ocean by Mae


P.S: NICOLE UPDATE YOUR BLOGGGGG!

The Sharpest Lives

Give me a shot to remember,
And you can take all the pain away from me.
A kiss and I will surrender,
The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead.
A light to burn all the empires,
So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be
In love with all of these vampires,
So you can leave like the sane abandoned me.

Really, really, think about that one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Uhhh I'm not going to do a recap of everything I haven't updated on, because frankly, that would be far too long and boring. I just remembered why I have this blog and how nice it is to complain to nonexistant people. Oh, and this isn't exactly chronological order.

I still love Connor. It's sick, stupid, and a complete waste of time even thinking about it. I feel like an effing freak because I'm still heels over head for him and he doesn't even know I exist. Admit it, you would be wierded out if a complete stranger (well, what you thougth was a complete stranger) liked you. I want to talk to him. Interact with him in some way. I'm trying to work up the courage to be like, "Hey Connor! Do you remember me?" The opportunity just hasn't come up yet is all... And hey, you can tell me that you think I should just get over him, or you can try to help me get him. But I can't just get over him, alright?


Today was Freshmen Retreat. We had a 'motivational speaker' come. Keith Hawkins, you know, buttlock guy? He's really funny. We had to pick partners and Kathryn asked if I would be hers, so I said yeah. Then a little later Connor is going around like, "Does anyone need a partner? I'll be some one's partner!" I wanted to ditch Kathryn right then and there (sorry) and tell him I would be his. And then we had to like hold hands or whatever and it just killed me that it could have been with Connor. AUGHHH. And later I started crying when we were talking about past stuff that has devestated us and whatever.


Ginny doesn't like Sam anymore. Not just doesn't like, I mean DISlikes him. She's been just really annoyed with him this past week. It's not like she wants to be, but she just is. So she tells me all this stuff and today, guess what? Sam asked me if Ginny was mad at him, because she hasn't talked to him like all week. Well, what am I supposed to say? That was a really awkward position for me. The best I could do was tell him to try to talk to her about it or something. I don't know, email her.

How Far We've Come

So, there's really no need to tell you, but the 2007 fires are here and swingin. Yeah, there's like seven or eight surrounding us. The good news is, my family hasn't had to evacuate (yet). Oh, we don't have school for the whole week either. But the bad news is like a ton of houses already have burnt down.

Basically, I've been playing The Sims a ton because there's nothing else to do. Yesterday I went to Vicki Something's house and hung out with Emily Taylor and Miles Amitin (they're cousins). It was a lot of fun, and great to be out of the house.

Oh, and in other news, I'm wearing makeup again! Woot.

Cross my Heart and Hope to Die, Splinter from the Headboard in my Eye

Okay, how perfect is that line? Another Fall Out Boy lyric, from GINASFS (Gay is not a Synonym for Shitty). Yes, wonderful Fall Out Boy. Concert countdown is at forty one days.
"I've already given up on myself twice
Third time is the charm,
Third time is the charm
Threw caution to the wind,
But I've got a lousy arm"


I volunteered yesterday and today for the Sunset Hills halloween carnival. It was okay, I guess. The first two hours of today were really really boring, but it got more fun after. I hung out with Karen and Ginny and Sam. I have about seven community service hours already, woo! Ginny doesn't know if she's going on the Six Flags trip, because she has basketball try outs the same day. Even if it's extremely selfish, I want her to come to Six Flags. Who knows when we might go again? (I'm too afraid to tell her though)

Ginny made a comment about how annoying it is the Bella always says how gangster she is. YES.

I super want a boyfriend. I want someone. It seems like everyone has someone. I guess I'm getting all hormonal again. But... UGH. Not freaking fair. My God, it's killing me. Maybe life will just go in like cycles. Like, I'll want a boyfriend, then I'll be content for a while, and then I'll get all depressed again, etc. Hey, it's a viable theory.

OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T LISTENED TO SATURDAY YET TODAY!!!... Ah, much better.

Did you know I started this blog in August, and it's still going, when I didn't even expect it to get past 3 posts? Granted, half of the posts aren't even relevant anymore, but still.

I am bored... Lalala... My brother is such a poser. You know how I'm such a FOB fan (well duh)? Now he thinks he's like a freaking diehard Green Day fan or something. It's so incredibly annoying. You might be thinking, "Well, maybe he is a huge fan!" But he's not. I know.

Pump It!

Wow... a lot has happened since I last posted. I've kind of been afraid to go into it, but I think I'm ready now. And I have homework that I'm trying to put off.

So, I think it was two days ago, maybe three? I pretty much broke down to Nicole. Everything that had been bothering me; everything I had bottled up inside. It's amazing to have all that off my chest. Her basic advice was to try and build up my confidence. I think the best way to do that is to lose weight, and start taking better care of myself. So far, I've eaten pretty healthy. I'm totally not cutting out candy entirely, but I definitely haven't been pigging out like I usually do. And let me tell you, that was a lot. So now after school, instead of having the chips, I'll have a banana or some almonds. Olivia is a good girl now. I also really need to start some sort of excersize regime. Nicole suggested taking walks or whatever but that would probably bore me. I don't like running. So I'm thinking, MAYBE, I might start going down to the Double Tree and working out there.

Speaking of running today, I did SO BAD. I got a 9:42 on 2 trails, and last week I got 9:00. Um, excuse me???

I don't really now how to describe my friends. I totally like all of them, but I feel so left out when I'm around all of them. Good with Chad, Ginny, Sam, all of them when it's just the two or three of us. At school I hardly ever talk to them at break or lunch. And every day I take out my iPod and just sit there, hoping that someone will be like, "Hey, Olivia, what's up? Are you okay?" Alas, no.

At lunch today I was sitting there and Max threw something at Will (this bothers me SO MUCH AND THEY ALWAYS DO IT), so I gave Max a super mean look and said, "Stop." And then, he freaking says to me, "Well, Will was doing it too." So I look at Will and say the same thing and he has the NERVE to go, "Well Max started it." They are so annoying!



((1 month, 1 week, 6 days till the concert))

Class Shirt

Yeah.. that's my design for the class shirt.

Chicago is so Seven Years Ago/ What Have we Become

I know it's supposed to be Two Years Ago. I moved away seven years ago, so nyah. Clandestine is opening their first real store there on the 20th and selling four different limited edition tees, 250 copies of each. I'm going to ask my aunt if she would go to the store and get me a couple.

Life... is bleh. It's like, I'm freaking dead on the inside. I don't feel anything anymore. I joke around and smile and crap but the whole time I'm just thinking 'Whatever, it will just end, and then you'll be sad again.' School is so incredibly unbearable. I tried to look forward to something, like Nicole said. My thing was sitting and talking to Tracey in Bio. Well, I forgot that we switched seats and I don't sit by her anymore.

First period was the best part of my day, because we had a sub, Mr. Wonderful. I still had the hopeless feeling though.

I really really wanted to be antisocial today. To be alone and just listen to my iPod. I thought about going over to hang out with Nicole at lunch but I think it just pulls her away from her friends and she doesn't really like it that much.

Oh, and at lunch Connor came over to ask to borrow a quarter from someone. I didn't have one (sob). While he was waiting for Kathryn to get hers, he was looking around out group all like, "I know you, and you, and you," etc. He like looked at me for a second, and passed over me. Oh my freaking God.

This is not a life that I want to live. I can't even describe it. Dead.
Does anyone out there know How to Save a Life?

Justify

My mom is the most annoying, nagging person in my world. I'm pretty sure all moms are. She has selective hearing, selective memory, and doesn't take me seriously. If I'm in a good mood she'll just bring me down again.

I don't really care about much anymore. Life should be more than just going through the motions, but right now, it's not for me. I have absolutely nothing to look forward to. God knows Connor is a lost cause, and I don't even know if I like Chad anymore.

Speaking of Chad, you know how Bella thinks that I like him? She's kind of pissing me off. Okay, for clarification, I'm not saying that I do like him. I'm just saying it how Bella knows it. She says she wants me and him to get together and stuff, but a lot of the time if we're like talking she'll come over and totally interrupt. If we're sitting next to eachother, she'll sit between us. It's just not cool.

I don't know about Ginny anymore. I mean, I'm not mad at her or anything. I just don't really think that she's a good friend for me anymore. Last year was different, but this year is just... whatever. At least, she's not the kind of person that I need to be able to depend on right now.

Somebody, please, give me a reason to live. (for MYSELF, not other people)


"The road outside my house is paved with good intentions
Hired a construction crew, 'cause it's hell on the engine."

Just Surrender

The title for this was almost 'So Sick' because I heard an acoustic cover by Patrick Stump and it's amazing. But I'm listening to Just Surrender right now, so yeah.

I still miss middle school. I feel like I wasted it and like I didn't appreciate it enough while I was there. I just want to go back and tell all the middle schoolers to enjoy it, because high school sucks. I miss trailblazing so much. For my new computers project-- a destination poster-- I'm doing Yosemite Falls.

Today was kind of an unthinking day. I guess that's okay, because I wasn't thinking about you know who. Especially when I was running, I sort of forced myself to zone out and just concentrate on moving my legs without stopping.

At lunch I sort of got a little sad and lonely (until Kathryn came over 10 minutes later). And then Ginny looks at me from her little side of the circle and, I guess, shares/remembers an old inside joke with me. Haha, I go into a little story, and 3 seconds after I start talking, she looks away to talk with Sam. She totally just stopped listening to me. Um, okay.

Kiss Her, Kiss Her

Ugh. I have no idea what to think.

Last year I had one class with Connor, math. We flirted a lot and I really started to crush on him. I'm talking about a reason to go to school crush (because I'm like that...). Fast forward to, say, a month after I started liking him. He had to switch out of the math class because of a grade issue, and I didn't have any classes at all and hardly ever ran into him. A long while after that, I pretty much got over him (though not completely, I guess), and in all honesty, he seemed to forget about me :( . This year I went into high school with the hope that he'd be in at least one of my classes. But no, because life is cruel like that. I think I'm starting to like him a lot again because I see him more, but then there is the memory issue... Nicole sometimes hangs out with him in her social circle, so that's where I do see him.

The point is, I'm wondering what I should do about him. It might be really really difficult to just "get over him," so I'd appreciate more elaborate advice than that. How do I get over him, when I've tried and failed before? Or maybe: Should I go about trying to get his attention again? How?


:( Help.


I just looked through the eighth grade yearbook. I'm so freaking nostalgic right now it's not even funny :( I miss Six Flags, the dances (because they are so much better than high school dances), and lunch with Ginny and Brandon and Nicole. I miss our Basic Ed class, where we were practically family. I miss freaking Raymond, Andrew, and Riley. I miss having Jordan in every single one of my classes. I miss Mrs. G's unreliability, Mrs. Armacost, and Mr. Tice's dysfunctional class. I miss everyone that became such a big part of my life, even though I didn't realize it; all the people that went to Westview. I miss the Constitution game and the nerves and the We the People competition. I miss making Miis on the Wii of Mr. Tice and Senior Gayhan. I miss PE and football and softball and competing with Kelly Barnett without her even knowing it. I miss riding the bus and pulling over every other week because 'people were lighting matches.' I miss Zack. I miss Connor ((the butterflies)). I miss trailblazing: one of the best experiences of my life. Why the hell do we have to grow up?

Thriller

Yeah, what you critics said would never happen.
We dedicate this album to anybody people said couldn't make it.
To the fans that held us down till everybody came around:
Welcome. It's here.

Stuck in my head ALL DAY.

You know what would be like an awesome theme for my bedroom? If the walls were painted white and then every time I felt like it I could just take a marker or paintbrush and write something on the wall. Lyrics, poems, sayings, whatever. That would be great.

Yesterday kind of sucked because I was on crutches, which are really hard to move around in. And the totally stupid thing was, I would go to english, and we would have to walk to the library. Then I would go to spanish, and we had to walk to the computer lab. And I have to wear my ugly nerd backpack until it gets easier for me to put pressure on my ankle.

After school I went to my locker to get my sweatshirt. Guess who I saw there. Oh, yes, Connor. And no, I did not talk to him, smile at him, or have any physical contact with him at all. I opened my locker and saw him look at me. Then some paper that was stuffed in there flew out so I had to pick it up. Then I dropped my lock and had to pick it up. All the while in my nerdy backpack.


Today was boring also, surprise surprise. School was, anyway. After school I went to the JV guys waterpolo game against Poway. Heh.. Sadly, we lost. Connor plays waterpolo too, OMGNOWAY. I'm hoping, maybe, just maybe, if I'm around him enough and he sees me enough then he'll start talking to me. Or maybe not.

Freshman class council needs someone to design the class shirts. I really want to, because that's just plain awesome. I get to use my graphic arts skillz, woo. It has to be voted on though, so I really hope mine is good.

Senses Fail

I never explained where the name 'Still Searching' comes from. It's an album (and also a song) by Senses Fail. It's probably one of the best put-together album I've ever seen/heard. It tells a story, which I love.

1. The Rapture- (Rapture means ecstatic joy or ecstasy. Think orgasm. Um, I looked it up once when I was thinking of a name for the blog.) It's the beginning of the tragedy; the start of his misery.
"I waited for the light to come
to change my life, to change my life
But I am blind, my faith is gone
I'm finding out the good book was wrong "
2. Bonecrusher- He's trying to drown everything out and forget it all with alcohol.
"Drink up, drink up, drink up the loneliness"
3. Sick or Sane (Fifty for a Twenty)- Is he sane, or is his nightmare coming true and he's really sick?
"Am I a little sick or a little sane?
'Cause I feel a little sick"
4. Can't Be Saved- He lost his [will to] love; he wants to get out of said nightmare.
"I'm stuck in a coma, stuck in a never-ending sleep.
And some day I will wake up and realize I made up everything."
5. Calling All Cars- He wants to be forgotten; wants people to get over him and face the fact that he's long gone.
"So will you scatter my ashes where they won't be found?
I kept my word when I swore that I would let you down
And now that I'm gone
Try to forget me and just move on"
6. Shark Attack- These shrinks and pills are not working for him.
"Lying on the couch and spilling all of my guts out
Walking out with nothing but a head full of self doubt
I take back every good thing that I ever said"
7. Still Searching- He knows he's changed, knows he's sick, he's lost control. The pills and the 'whitecoats' are his only friends.
"And oh my God, I've lost control
I stare at accidents in a sick attempt
To feel at all"
8. To All the Crowded Rooms- I'm not too sure about this one... Possibly he's delirious or hysterical?
"My life is better than it ever was."
9. Lost and Found- My favorite song off this album. He's lost in a world full of nothingness. He can't get out, and no one can help him. He's going down.
"This island has become
An ocean and my boat's too small
The waves are crashing in
And I can't save this sinking ship

I sent out signal flares
But no one out there seems to care
Now the voice inside my head
Is the only thing that I have left" (Yeah, I had to do two verses)
10. Every Day is a Struggle- So much for last year.
"So Much for the past year,
I poured it down the drain with all the alcohol and pain I got from,
Your Eyes, Oh Your Eyes.
I’m burning out my bedside,
And I’m rotting out my insides slowly."
11. All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues- His suicide. Jump off the building. Let's hear a toast for loneliness.
"A perfect sunset is sinking in the sky
I know my body is ready to fly
I start the countdown backwards from ten
When I reach one my family name will end

Falling down as windows pass I start to cry
And curse the day my parents laid
In a bed of hopelessness where love was made
Please mark my grave 'Unknown'"
12. Negative Space- Him falling. No lyrics, just negative space.
13. The Priest and the Matador- When he hits the ground. His last, dying moments.
"The ambulance is singing
As cops push back the crowd
I start to take my last breath
As blood pours out my mouth
The medics walk in my way
I think this could be it
I hear them start to state,
'The time of death is half past six.'"
The End.







So. That is where the name is from. The album, not the song. Please don't be so close-minded as to call it emo and freaky. It's art.

7 Minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen)

"I keep telling myself
I keep telling myself
I'm not the desperate type

I'm sitting out dances on the wall
Trying to forget everything that isn't you
I'm not going home alone
Cause I don't do too well on my own"
-Fall Out Boy

This is the song that I was quoting in my last post. Fitting, I thought. Background info, this song was written about Pete's suicide attempt using an overdose of Ativan, blah blah blah.

Last night was homecoming. It was okay; not good, not bad.
Little Life Lesson 532: Grinding is inescapable at high school dance. Seriously.
Sooo it was kind of boring. Not nearly as good as eighth grade dances. Call me a wierdo if you must, but that's just my opinion.
You know what the biggest turn off ever is? Chad dancing. I'm not even kidding. He has stupid 'moves' and the faces he makes are like incredibly extremely embarrassing. Ughh. And Bella was like, "Okay, you have to dance with Chad tonight!" Um, whatever.

I talked to Connor though. Shocker, no? Yeah, so he came over to our little circle and stood between me and Bella and was all, "Do you guys know where Douglas is?" I'm pretty sure he didn't even register me but I responded, "I haven't seen him; he's somewhere with Laura." To which he goes, "But he is here?" And then I say, "Yeah." Exciting.
---------------------------------------------
I twisted my ankle today in softball. I was running to first and when I stepped on the base my foot like slipped off the edge and got screwed up. Then I had to play the rest of the game hurt until I got to go home. And I'm using crutches at school tomorrow. Just shoot me now.

The Pros and Cons of Breathing

It's hard to bare your soul to people on the internet. It's hard to give the emotion you want to because nobody takes it seriously. It's hard to write how upset you are because you don't want people to worry, so instead you just write everything off a joke or use sarcasm.

Nothing really holds any appeal to me anymore. I'm probably not going to go to any more football games because I just get left out by Sam and Ginny and Karen and them. Even though the end of the game was exciting, and we did win.

Connor is freshmen Homecoming prince. Wtf. It's just the most stupid thing in the world and you don't even get how I feel right now, so don't even try.

This post is extremely negative, so just leave right now if you don't want to put up with it or you want to pretend that I'm fine so you can live your own little life without worrying about me.

I'm not excited for homecoming. What is the freaking point? Here's what I'm looking forward to: being ditched by everyone for Sam and Ginny and "sitting out dances on the wall, trying to forget everything that isn't you." Sorry. Quoting Fall Out Boy again. I didn't get asked, because what guy in his right mind would ask me. (Rant time)

I'm not pretty. I know I'm not. In fact, if you look closely, I'm kind of ugly.
My hair sucks, so I wear it in a pony tail all the time.
I don't even care enough to do my hair nice or put on nice make up to fix anything.
I'm not skinny. I know that I am not fat, but I am getting bigger.
I never flirt and I get too shy when I think a guy *might* be flirting with me.
I don't have anything special about me.
I love Fall Out Boy too much and people think I'm a freak.
I'd probably rather sit and home on the computer than go out with my friends (lately).


Oh, and my best friend from second grade is moving away Sunday.

The Great Escape

Do I already have a post with this name? Oh well, who cares.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLD54dVRpjw&NR=1 <-- The Great Escape Acoustic. Listen to it, please. It's amazingly fastanstically beautiful. Oh yes. And check out their Let Go cover because that rocks too. It's not even funny how great it is.

Note: I just found out they have all the acoustics on itunes! Ah!

I haven't updated in a while; there's pretty much nothing to know. Did I tell you that I couldn't do the believe/lie thing for computers? Well, I can't. So I made some gay flower thing instead and I was totally unhappy with it, and my teacher didn't like it either. So today I wrote water and had the background ripples and the words all warped and wavy ripples like floating on the surface. I like it, but I still wish I could have done the other thing.

As you know, life is kind of sucking right now. I'm sort of not really feeling anything and just sort of going through with a fake smile and happiness. I'm not even excited for Homecoming, and we all know how the last football game went.

I don't even understand how I like Chad so much. Ughh afjkdlafjidos. We effing belong together. I just NEED HIM. AFDJLAEIOAE
And someone apparently told Bella that I like him *coughginnycough*, which I don't really mind I guess, but it's just the way she acts. She's in the stage where it's like "OMG you guys should so go out you guys would look so cute together!" And we all know that won't happen.

Speaking of Bella, she kind of bugs me. She's pretty nice and funny, but it irritates me how she says she's so ghetto and gangster. I'm okay if it's once in a while, because I mean, even I do it. It's just ALL THE TIME with her. And this is pretty personal, but I have a cousin who's a gangster. The real deal. And guess what? She's in jail for participating in a drive-by shooting and assaulting an officer. Newsflash Bella: you're not a gangster.

Now that THAT's off my chest, let's move to Tracey. I love her a bunch but she's just acting sort of, I don't know how to say it, off-put by me? She hangs out with her golf friends all the time and she just says, "Well they're so much more interesting that you guys!" And in science, I'll ask her something, and she flat out won't answer me. She ignores me.

And now for the best part (sarcasm), today I basically broke down in P.E. I'm walking to get Otter Pops, alone, and I'm trying to put up my hair again, and my hair tie snaps. The stupidest thing, but now I'm alone and my hair is screwed up because I have a huge dent in it and everything. Oh, and also feeling sick. So I try taking like deep breaths and fighting everything back, when Martha notices. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
'Oh please don't be talking to me.' "Yeah, just, my hair..."
"Are you okay??"
*nod* "Yeah.. just a little..." *deep breath*
"Is some one bothering you? You want me to talk to them?"
And then Serena hears, "Hey, are you feeling okay?"
'Goddammit, I just need to cool off' *nod*

When Kathryn and Tracey turn around and see me, and stop to let me catch up. Then we go through the whole are you okay thing.
Kathryn: "Oh, I'm sure she just feels sick from running, right?"
Me: "Yeah, just, stuff..."
Tracey: "Is it me? I thought you were mad at me??"
Me: "Well, kinda..." *deep breath* *gets teary* "I just.. don't want to talk about it.."


Fun, no? When Tracey was leaving P.E. early I hugged her and said I wasn't mad, but just a little frustrated. I'm going to shoot her an e-mail to explain.

When my mom was driving me home she asked if I wanted to go to Rolling Hills to pick up my brother and maybe see some old teachers. I told her no. So we get to where she's supposed to turn off to the house, but she doesn't turn. I get really pissed and just like 'Oh great.' She sees me mad and goes, "You don't have to get worked up over the little things."
I just lose it and go, "You know what? I've had a horrible day today and I don't feel like doing it right know okay??" And start crying.
She goes all motherly and says, "Oh, I know hormones are hard."

Thanks for not even attempting to believe life just might not be going to great for me. I really appreciate you writing it off as hormones without an explanation. It makes me feel oh so rational.




"There's beauty in the breakdown."- Let Go

I Don't Wanna Be In Love

Everybody put up your hands
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feel the beat now
If you got nothing left
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Back it up now
You got a reason to live
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don’t be afraid to get down
Say I don’t wanna be in love
I don’t wanna be in love
-I Don't Wanna Be In Love(Dance Floor Anthem) by Good Charlotte

That song is great. I'm sort of addicted to it right now. Go ChEcK iT oUt.

Yesterday was our day off. I sat around all day until 5 when I went out to dinner and the football game with Ginny, Sam, Latifis, Chad, and Karen (Chad and Karen only came to the game). Dinner was good at Bread Bites and then we walked over to Westview. Seating order: Sam, Ginny, Max, Brandon, me. I was just looking forward to when Chad and Karen came so I could actually talk to someone. So Chad came, and GUESS WHAT. You'll never be able to. You can try, but you won't. Chad had forgotten to call his mom when he got there and when he remembered, he was like, "Oh shit!" I know, crazy, right?? I have to say that's when my feelings came rushing back. Yeah, wierd.

Then stupid Christian came and sat next to Chad and they started talking and I was basically alone. Next Karen shows up so she, Ginny, and Sam move up a row so we're closer together. I was so alone, in that group. It really hit me at half time when Chad and Christian left to get food and then Ginny and Karen and Sam left for unknown reasons, leaving me with the Latifis. I turned up my iPod hella loud and went emo for the third quarter and part of the fourth. I was sincerely hoping some one like Chad would notice me and try to cheer me up, but haha, no.

The game gets really interesting at the end with MC down one point. We're making a great drive across the field and with about 30 seconds on the clock, the QB passes to some one on like the 5 yard line. I don't even know what the heck happened, fumble or something, but it turned over to Westview. Yeah, we lost. I was actually happy and excited before that, and then we lost. Depressing.

Oh, and the whole time that freaking like pull to Chad was there. The one that drives me crazy and kills my heart? Yeah.

OH MY GOD.

Blogger is so effing gay. It took me twenty minutes to sign into this stupid thing because they switched to Google accounts. I had to get my password reset and it's super frustrating. I don't even like this account that much. I just figured I'm gonna want my posts in the future. Or something. I would like my own web address so I can actually do stuff to my page but I don't know how (hinthelphint).

Now that that rant is done, now to what I was going to say.

I don't really remember. Except I was going to say how BORING life is. I don't do anything and I don't like doing anything but sitting here on my fat butt and complain to nonexistant readers that don't even care. "...in a world that could never wrap it's head around [her] (so don't even try)." Yeah, quoting The Boy With the Thorn in his Side. That book is amazing. I'm actually trying to type it all up on the computer and I've done a couple of pages. I doubt I'll ever finsih. Pete is writing another book called The Rainy Day Kids and I am so going to get it. I don't know when it's supposed to come out because it got like postponed in February.

Well, I think you'll be entertained to know that I cussed in front of my brother yesterday. What can I say; he was really pissing me off. So I went into the bathroom because I was about to take a shower and I'm going to shut the door and my mom is like, "Wait, let your brother in to brush his teeth first."
So I sighed, and walked past my brother. And then for some reason he goes, "I heard that!"
I didn't say anything, so I'm just like, "Um, I didn't say anything."
And then he freaking goes, "Yes you did!"
Then we go on like that again and I go, "What the hel--ck?"
And my brother's like, "Mo-oom, Livy cussed!"
And so I'm like, "Um duh she's standing right here!" And she started laughing. Yeah.

You know that believe/lie thing I talked about? Yeah, my teacher says it doesn't go with the assignment. So I had to do some gay flower thing. Ughh.

I still hate racquetball, just thought I'd let you know.

I had a dream last night that me and Danny Ettleson liked eachother. NO idea where that came from. I know I really want a boyfriend now, because he was an awesome one in the dream. Phil always asks if some one has asked me to Homecoming, and it's always the same answer (no). He's just like, "I promise some one will ask you." Um, haha, yeah right.

Today when I was walking up to where my mom picks me up near the intersection some idiot is like, "Are you twelve? He wants to hit on you." STFU, okay? What an a**hole. I'm trying not to cuss because I don't want a repeat of last night.


And remember, this is the last one of these little things I'm doing because at first they were funny, but now they're just hard to think of.

PS: Remember Aidon, Cute Math Guy? Yeah, he cut his hair. He is really ugly. Sorry to say it.

When Your Heart Stops Beating

So I haven't updated in, hmm, forever.

Last Friday sucked. A lot. We switched seats in Spanish. Basically, the whole group I sat with got moved to the other side of the room together while I stayed alone in the corner. Fun.

The weekend was pretty boring. On Saturday I babysat from 3-10:30 while my dad got my The Sims 2: Bon Voyage, and I was pissed because I couldn't play it. Then I had two softball games starting at 8 in the morning and right after I went to Sarah Hirsch's birthday party. It was okay; not quite my usual group, so it was a little boring. We sat in the hottub basically the whole time because the pool was freezing. And the whole time I was waiting to get home to play my game. I know I'm a nerd. THEN I got a headache and had to stay off the computer for a while, which really pissed me off. But I eventually got to play it, and it's pretty awesome.

Yesterday was pointless. Ughhh akdlfaiojw. Everything was boring. Kthnxbai.

Today was boring too. Shocker! We played another sucky team in racquetball for the freaking third time in a row. It sucks because the whole time is spent getting balls that are hit over the wall. Speaking of that, why did these people even sign up for the A teams?? I'm not trying to be a snob but it's really frustrating. And we were supposed to move up, but we moved down.

One funny thing that happened to day was in English. We went to the library to get a tour and do a couple of things on the computers. We're searching one encyclopedia website or whatever and (naturally) I'm searching Fall Out Boy, but no results come up. I was sort of ticked but I got over it in about 20 seconds. And then, a minute later, Rachael (who's a few seats away) goes, "Olivia, they don't have Fall Out Boy on here!" And I'm just like, "I KNOW!" It was really funny, and I'm sure the people around us got a snicker too.

Computers was pretty good. For our newest project, we have to design a word but the word has to be like doing what it says... I know, hard to describe. Imagine the word 'Running,' but then with like shoes on the bottom. Anyways, but inspiration came from Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year by Fall Out Boy. There's a line that goes, "The best part of 'believe' is the 'lie.'" I took that as inspiration, and my word is a cursive Believe in black with the red Lie in the middle. There's a rose in the background and the dot on the 'i' is a broken heart. I'm pretty proud of it, but I'm not really sure if it's the assignment. So I turn my computer screen to the people sitting in my row and I ask, "Do you think this really goes with the assignment?" And, no joke, the guy next to me goes, "IT FUCKIN ROCKS." So I'm like, "Thanks, but does it go with the assignment?" The girl by me started laughing.

That's pretty much the excitement of my day. I get so bored sometimes it's not even funny. And then I get all emo by looking at emo pictures on DeviantArt.


And remember, UGHHHH!

In Case You Care...

Here's all the Fall Out Boy music videos and maybe an interview or two... just in case you care... Plus commentary! :0

Thnks fr the Mmrs: http://youtube.com/watch?v=xWHf_vYZzQ8
This was the song that really got me into Fall Out Boy. I love this music video and I used to be addicted to it. I believe the phrase "lucky monkey" was used at 2:23 :) My obsession with Pete began at 3:16. Ahh, so hot. This video is very sentimental for me, as you can tell :)
Making of Part One: http://youtube.com/watch?v=HBDnsGEZ2ZE&mode=related&search=
Part Two: http://youtube.com/watch?v=-3_OLrzigFU&mode=related&search=
Part Three: http://youtube.com/watch?v=SGrNc017kNQ&mode=related&search=
Part Four: http://youtube.com/watch?v=OWyW-oktohM&mode=related&search=

This Aint a Scene, It's an Arms Race: http://youtube.com/watch?v=9FcBnaLjxY4
Believe it or not, I used to not like this video. Once I watched it a couple of times I began to like it more. The beginning, in the studio, still bores me a little bit, but I think it's funny how that guy mocks Pat's moves at :54. I love the song because after the "but I digress.." you can totally rock out. I lurrrve Petey when he's at the photo shoot.. look at that smirk! I also like Patrick's expression when he says "At night we're painting your trash gold" at 1:37. I bet you don't know what this video is about! It's basically what everyone thinks they did in the past couple years, all played up and everything. Both cars in the video are Pete's. Sydney first showed me this one. I forgot: The funeral scene is awesome! The dandy from A Little Less Sixteen Candles is there, the girl from Where Is Your Boy is dancing, and there's a silver astronaut, representing their VMA win.
Making Of: http://youtube.com/watch?v=CsEZvKZy8Kc&mode=related&search=
Part 2: http://youtube.com/watch?v=5gp1nPUwbSo&mode=related&search=

Dance, Dance: http://youtube.com/watch?v=jvz0bvYmnto
Love this video :) Fall Out Boy are HOT nerds, I don't care what anyone else says. All of Pat's hand motions on stage are cool ("Love <3"). And guess what! When Pete throws the rock at that chick's window and she opens it, do you know what's playing? A Little Less Sixteen Candles! Yes, I've watched it that many times. Hahaha. The little book Andy is reading has the From Under the Cork Tree picture on it, and it's also on his drum. And of course, I can do Pete's dance. :)

I'm Like A Lawyer With the Way I'm Always Trying to Get You Off (Me & You): http://youtube.com/watch?v=aT434G38OBg
The most recent video by them. It's really deep. It's great that Fall Out Boy did a video to kind of get the world's attention.
Interviewing them about the video (and reactions) here: http://www.buzznet.com/tags/pete_wentz/video/1682911/ Is Patrick sNiFfLiNg?

Sugar We're Goin Down: http://youtube.com/watch?v=vVc9lFgArso
This video is okay for me. I like the little kid flipping off antler dude, though. And Pete's salute at 1:59 is freaking awesome. Sydney first showed me this one too. This song is about Pete's experience getting cheated on.

"The Take Over, the Break's Over": http://youtube.com/watch?v=zElEs8yw7fw
This video is ehhish. I like the fact that Hemingway is in it. At the very beginning of the dream, there's a little emo kid who looks like Pete holding Hemmy. Cute :) I hate hate hate the dancing cat girls, though. It's not a rap video, FTW? Although, I do like how they address all the people that call them sell outs. When I look at some of their shirts, it is a bit painful, though. I like when they party after. Pete looks so happy :) And I love his hair.

Saturday: http://youtube.com/watch?v=UEzhlFqtAJk
Current favorite :) I don't really get it either, but it's tight. Something about Pete being a murderer? My favorite part is from 2:12- 2:25. It's pretty awesome. And the ending is great, Pete's gun and his face when he gets 'shot'. Awesome lyrics. Five stars :)))))

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, a Little More "Touch Me": http://youtube.com/watch?v=Y-VifE8EK8w
This one is not really that good. The redeeming quality is Pete's sexy vampireness. It also seems better after you watch the 'making of' videos, which I am too lazy to find links for. And I could SWEAR that Brendon Urie is the middle dandy at 5:00. Yes, they're called dandies. Fall Out Boy's car has a bartskull on it, blahblahblah, the ending is good in it's creepiness.
Edit: I got the making of videos!
Part One: http://youtube.com/watch?v=pQQBBcgzk1w&mode=related&search=
Part Two: http://youtube.com/watch?v=VjrMP6LszL0&mode=related&search=

Grand Theft Autumn/ Where Is Your Boy: http://youtube.com/watch?v=GZb_mqH2zJY
I like the beginning when Pat is singing occopella (NO idea how that's spelled). I don't get quite how the song matches up with the video. I always thought the song was about a girl who was cheating on her boyfriend or something? But in the video, it's a guy recording her getting dressed, and then she makes out with him?? I don't really get it either.

Dead on Arrival: http://youtube.com/watch?v=qL02p9KhABo
This one is okay. It's more of a starting off video for them. It's all about them on the road and playing basements and stuff. The good ole days. The cool thing is, I've been to some of the places on the highway signs and stuff. And I've heard they shot in Arlington Heights, and I used to live there :)

The Carpal Tunnel of Love: http://youtube.com/watch?v=k3O5uy-MBBk
Before you watch, I warn you: it's the Happy Tree Pals and it's really gross. Blood and guts and stuff. I feel like I'm obligated to put this up here. Fall Out Boy didn't technically produce this one, although they make an appearance at 1:36.

And now for my favorite part, random interviews/appearances! *clapclapclap*

I'd like to start it off with a little something I call Pete's Buzznet. Yes, he posts random pictures of stuff and Clandestine items and sometimes even videos :) Some of those pics are HOT!
http://www.buzznet.com/web/foe/photos/clandestine/?id=22956831

Now we move onto one of my all-time favorite interviews! It's effing hilarious and that dude rocks my socks. I'd point out the specific parts I love, but I just love it all!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=L5swr1hqtzk

A fan favorite: Pete's Crib! It's chill. They put one up on Youtube for Joe's too, but it got deleted for some reason :( So enjoy Petey's instead.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=9Up7dlutTFY

*Gasp!* Is that... Fall Out Boy's Kribs on Wheels?! I think it is!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=hmxOYI4auZ0

Peter gets Punk'd :)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=9_m1ANPDfWY

"You think you know, but you have no fucking idea. This is the diary of Fall Out Boy."
Part One: http://youtube.com/watch?v=sQn1J-Nhz1c
Part Two: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgG6lSNpkeo&NR=1

Story of Pete, Joe, and Andy's tattoos. Because who doesn't want to know?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=i-jVv6Jodmo&mode=user&search=

This song was only released to the UK, which is way unfair! It's good. I just found it looking for more stuff to put here.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=YnGQQBXPw5Q&mode=related&search=

Last few. Rockstar Guide to Fall Out Boy on Fuse.
Numero Uno: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZPPtFSg_4yw
Numero Dos: http://youtube.com/watch?v=wftA4-0WUBA
Numero Tres: http://youtube.com/watch?v=tbl4gkHNeNA

And some funny Fall Out Boy outtakes to wrap it all up.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=CI321OuX55A&mode=related&search=

I seriously love these guys and they rock hardcore!

Break Out! Break Out!

School is boring. Especially lab days. I don't even know why I'm updating; nothing interesting has happened. That's how bored I am.

English stretches on sooooo long, and Ms. Singleton is nuts. Phil and I are talking about it.

Did you ever realize how sing-alongable (I know, not a word) Fall Out Boy is? Like Saturday. I just can't help but sing or hum along. I got the tickets in the mail today! They're pretty sweet. That would be so cool if we like met them at the concert. Or even just took a picture with them at some signing thing. Sigh.

I got a 29/30 on my math quiz! Yeah.

Ooh I remember something. I did my class council interview today. I think it went pretty well. At least, I hope it did. I was really nervous because I'm sitting there and like both their desks are pointed at me and they're staring at me. I don't know, I just hope I make it. And my friends make it, because that would suck if only some of us got picked.


I'm not even doing one of those reminder things.

A Little More "Touch Me"

Hahaha sorry about the title. I couldn't resist. Plus, that song has been stuck in my head all day.

Yeahhh so yesterday was my birthday! I am officially fourteen. Some of my friends (Nicole, Carrie, Tracey) made me cards, which made me happy :) A ton of other people said Happy Birthday, which is cool too. Some didn't, but I won't go into that. I got freaking $150 from 2 sets of grandparents... I have 4 sets in total. So that means dos mas cards are in the mail. My parents got me and Nicole the Fall Out Boy tickets, and they got me some Uggs too (well, fake Uggs). Guess what else they got me! A Fall Out Boy poster!!! It's that one up there. I lurrvve it :) My cake was ohh myy goshh. Chocolate cake, chocolate icing, chocolate chips. Aka: heaven.

My day yesterday was mediocre. Pretty boring. In fact, all of my classes are boring. Except for Spanish, haha. And PE is cool too.

Today was fine, I guess. The best part? Hmm... waking up to my poster. Haha. English is boring, all we did is talk about "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty." Garrett Slack is soooo annoying. He challenges whatever we say, and he's always wrong anyway. Ugh. Computers is okay. The fact that I don't really talk to anyone makes it kind of boring. Spanish is the class I look forward to the most, and while I'm there I don't really want it to end.

That reminds me! The other night I had this dream, and I asked Ryan out... Ryan is Andy's friend in Spanish and I know I don't like him like that. I just asked him out because I didn't think I could get Andy. And then while we were 'out' he was like, "Why did you ask me and not Andy? I know you like him, and he likes you." Um, okay. Then I woke up. I read that dreams are subconscious thoughts about what's going on in life. Maybe my brain is trying to tell me something? Speaking of that, I could swear he flirts with me. He plays with my shoes and compliments me... I was talking to Ginny, and she asked me why I wasn't sure if he liked me. I said it was mostly doubt that anyone would like me. It sort of makes sense. But I digress...

Bio is sooo flipping boring. It seems so long and she thinks me and Tracey are stupid :/ But today I drew Fall Out Boy in my notebook, so it's all good. Lunch just passes by really fast and is pretty boring too. Math is boring, we just had a review period today. PE is good. I'm getting into the racquetball 'groove'. I like playing with Karen and Tracey and Bella and Nicole because we can actually rally for a while. And then Kathryn screws it up. Haha, just kidding (sort of). I played as badly as she did today, so yeah.

Do you want to know what is on my mind? I've realized that I write mostly about what actually happens but not really my thoughts. So here's where you get to see what I'm really thinking about. It's random; don't say I didn't warn you.

• In Sugar We're Goin Down, you know the part where it says, "A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it"? I've been thinking about it. There are discussions on whether it's 'god' or 'gun'. Obviously a gun would make more sense (loaded, cock it and pull it), but I think I get why it's god. Think of, say, a superiority complex. You know, when you feel superior all the time. It's like that. A 'god complex' would be like when you feel like a god all the time (controlling, etc.). And then it says 'loaded' and 'cock it and pull it' because it's clever and it's like a gun (BANG!).
• <<>> are quotations in Spanish. Profe Cashion described them as two sideways peace signs. Gangsta.
• Why do I always write on my thigh?? I swear, half the time there's a blue ink mark on my leg from when I accidentally wrote on it with my pen.
• I remember when that cute guy bumped into me in computers last week.. I turned around and ran into him. His pecs, I should say.. "Excuse me," he says in a deep voice. I catch a whiff of his cologne before heading back to my seat, dazed...
• I wish Fall Out Boy would play at homecoming like in Dance, Dance. That would be awesome. I'd so do the dance Pete does. And then I'd meet them, and chill with them, and get to go on tour with them...
• I wish someone would ask me to homecoming.
• Chad looks better now that his hair has grown out.
• I need to get a Queen of Hearts card to put up on my Fall Out Boy wall. Oh yes, I'm making one.
• I realllllyyyy hope Mrs. Watson doesn't collect that one homework assignment with all the word problems on it.

And remember, switch the sign on an inequality when you divide by a negative number! (test tomorrow)

Saturday

This kind of sucks, because it's Sunday (and the title is Saturday). But anyone who knows Fall Out Boy well knows that this is a song! I've fallen back in love with Take This to Your Grave, their 2nd(?) album. Saturday is a great song, the lyrics are great, the video is great. What else would you expect from Fall Out Boy? :)
Anyways, here is the music video: http://youtube.com/watch?v=UEzhlFqtAJk
I don't really get it either, but I know I love it. Patrick's hair is so nerdy and I love him :) And of course, Pete's hair rocks my world. My favorite part is from 2:12-2:25. So flipping awesome. And I know I'm putting a queen of hearts card on my binder, fo sho.

I'm happy :))) if you can't tell. Life is just good right now. Not great, but like I'm good with it. I'm not stressing about boys (as of right now), I'm listening to Fall Out Boy, the Charger game is today, and I effing rocked softball today and no one will be able to tell me otherwise. Oh, and my birthday is tomorrow, yee!

So softball today was great. I got to try out my new bat. Guess how many hits I got in two games. Just guess. Give up? SIX, baby! Four singles, two doubles (off of errors, haha), and like three RBIs. And a perfect sacrifice bunt. I know, be jealous.

Yesterday was Sara's surprise party! It was really fun :) We talked, talked and snacked, ate, opened present, sat in the hottub and had a "Confession Session," and then ate cake.

And now, I have homework and chores to do, but I'm blowing them off for now to watch Fall Out Boy music videos; hurray!


And remember, Synergies rock!

I'm Like a Lawyer...

AHHH FALL OUT BOY'S NEW VIDEO AHHHHH!!!! http://music.aol.com/popeater/2007/09/13/video-premiere-fall-out-boy-im-like-a-lawyer-me-and-you/

IT'S FREAKING AMAZING AND IF YOU DON'T THINK SO THEN YOU ARE STUPID!

I'll update after my homework is done :)

Okay, the homework is done. So yeah, that's Fall Out Boy. I would like to start by saying how much I love Pete's and Patrick's hair. They are just that awesome. The video is really deep, too. There are these two kids in Uganda who fall in love and are just having fun being alive. And then the boy gets captured and gets trained for war. In the video, he makes it back and he's with the girl again. At least, if I'm seeing it right. But the reality is, not many (if any) make it back home. It's really eye-opening, and I'm glad Fall Out Boy did it.


Ughh. Homecoming. 'Tis a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing if you get asked by someone. Or if you don't care if you get asked or not. But I care, and I haven't been asked. I really really really want Andy to ask me. I could go on forever about how awesome he is. (I just now finished listening to ALL my Fall Out Boy songs. Sorry, random.) And that's the best word to describe him: awesome. He's nice to everyone and he can make me smile so easily. And the thing is, he does try to make me smile. He's in Algebra 3-4. Smart. He has an amazing smile too. He's funny. He'll wave at you until you see him in the hallway. He compliments your shoes and plays with the buckle. Today in PE I was running and as I'd pass the guys on the track he would run with me for a little bit. He asked me how I was doing. Sigh. My day isn't complete until I see him, because he brightens it up that much. Nicole suggests I ask him to Homecoming. Um, no thanks.

Chad is getting me something good for my birthday :) Nicole said so, anyway. Oh, and Andy promised to do something for my birthday. :)))

The group is very, uh, interesting. Today they were throwing grass at eachother. Like as a fight. I turned to Carrie and said, "See, this is why people hate freshmen." Not all people, but you get it. Immaturity and all that jazz. It's really stressing Ginny out. Me, I'm just as happy lying down and listening to my iPod.


And remember, I know the theme for Homecoming! And haha, I'm not telling you.

I Write Sins Not Tragedies

Did you ever notice how these titles alomost never have to do with the entry? Huh.

So today I got my new bat! It is gorgeous and I love it so much more than my other bat. It's a perfect weight and grip; almost like it fits. (And yes, that is it in the picture right there)-->

I'm still a little moody from my 'Boy With the Thorn in his Side' episode. It has some really good langauge in it though. Pete Wentz is definitely a good writer. I drew The Boy in my Spanish 'antojitos' yesterday when I was being emo. Yeah.

Andy noticed I was down in Spanish. He's pretty awesome. He tries to make you smile all the time and isn't happy until you're happy. Although sweet yesterday, it got somewhat annoying today because it made everyone around me think I was emo. They saw The Boy and I explained to them and they were like, "Okay..." They also saw the Bartskulls I drew and were totally lost on that. Can you blame me? I told them it was the Clandestine logo. I didn't mention it is a tatoo Pete has that you can only see when his shirt is off :) But yeah, so then Erin goes, "Do you listen to like screamo?" And I was all, "Um. No." Then Ryan's like, "No! She listens to Fall Out Boy, haven't you seen her binder?" Ah, the joys of Spanish class. Seriously though, it's pretty fun. Did I mention how nice Andy is? Yeah. I kind of want to do that sugar skull making thing Profe Cashion was talking about. If someone would do it with me? That would be cool if Andy would. Haha.

Today's a better day. I got an 88 on my math test :)! Which is a 93 once I get it signed..

But I was mad because I went to the orthodontist today. I expected them to say my braces would be off like next appointment or something. Um, no. They said probably around the beginning of November.

I realize math isn't too bad on lab days. We just take a test or quiz, talk for a little bit, do the lesson, and work on homework. Nothing terrible. English is a yawner though.

Ginny is getting so annoyed with the Latifis though. Hahaha. Today during break, I don't even know what was going on, but I look over and Ginny's pushing Max away and saying, "No! Back up! Don't even touch me!" Not in an incredibly mad way though. Sort of like in a 'I can't believe that you would even do this' way.

I still have conflicting thoughts about saying hi to John. We were pretty good buds, he probably didn't forget me. But I don't want to take my chances. And the other day, I heard him on his cell phone, and oh my gosh did his voice change! Haha.

And remember, mi cumpleanos es el 17 de septiembre!

Homesick At Space Camp

Soooo Sunday was the first softball game day! I'm happy, because I actually got to play. I played outfield, 2nd, and 3rd! I didn't do too bad either. Especially since I barely played second last season and never played third. And I got to bat and I did pretty well (I think). I hit a double! A real double, not a double created by other peoples' errors.

I missed the Chargers game though :( Happy that they won!

I watched the VMAs too. Fall Out Boy won for best group! Yay! They also performed Thnks Fr Th Mmrs and This Aint A Scene. Pretty tight. coughlovecough

School today was incredibly boring. Nothing ever happens. Homecoming is coming up too. I talked to Ginny about it, and I don't know what I'm going to do about a, err, date? I really don't think anyone will ask me anyways. If Chad does (which he won't, for sure), I'd probably say yes. And if someone else does, I'd have to spend a while thinking about it, depending on who it was. I sort of just want anyone to ask me, even if I say no, so at least I can say someone wanted to go with me.

Life is really dull to me right now. School is boring, home is boring. Nothing happens at school. Math and Bio are the worst. What is the point of high school? To get into college. What is the point of college? To get into medical school. The point of med school? To get a job, so you can work for the rest of your life. Fun. I'm not very school oriented (see also: unmotivated; listless).

Regular life is not that much better. I mean, softball is good, but I need a change of pace at least. It's been basically the same team for a year. Except now my three friends from the last team aren't playing this season. Savannah, Sarah, and Nicole.

I was thinking, what if I don't want to be a doctor? It might be kind of cool to be a sort of translator. I like learning different langauges; I like Spanish, at least. Do they have that kind of thing?

I could be a rager too. You know, someone who rages through life. Like Dirty. You know, Dacaydance? You sicken me.

I feel homesick for places I've never been. I miss hearts that I've never loved.
The Boy With the Thorn In His Side.

Pictures of You

Hello! I haven't updated in a couple of days, but that's only because nothing interesting has happened!

Haha, so yesterday some kid got into the school's computer thing and sent out messages to everyone. I was in computers when it happened so we all saw the messages. The first was like 'I'm watching you...' and everyone was just kind of weirded out. Then those football guys I sat next to the first day, remember them? Yeah, so one of them goes, "It's that quiet freshman!" And everyone looks at me. Haha, so funny (sarcasm). Then we all got messages like 'Look to your left.' 'No, your other left.' It was pretty entertaining for a while. The guy's an idiot though, because it shows his I.D. number with every one he sent.

My hormones have calmed down for now. At least, I'm not going to be trying super hard to get into a relationship. More like, if it's meant to happen, it will.

I had my first Fall Ball practice yesterday! It went really well, considering I haven't picked up a ball or bat in a month. I think that actually helped. Not thinking about it for a while sort of cleared my head of all the technicalities of swinging and throwing and stuff. I batted better at least. And I'm so excited for my new bat!

There's this song by Fall Out Boy called 'I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears and None On My Fingers,' and I love the beginning music. It's like a fight song or something. I'm excited for the concert too! (which we are officially going to; I got the tickets yesterday!!!)


And remember, if you're going to hack the system, don't do it from your own account!

Sing, Until Your Lungs Give Out

This is my tenth post! Who knew I'd even get to five?



Okay, I'm in kind of a 'I'm not good enough' mood with my parents. So my birthday is coming up (the seventeenth, woot!), and my parents obviously are going to get me a couple of presents. The thing is, I really need a new bat for softball. I want an expensive one so I know that my coach won't tell me to get a new one as soon as I show up for practice. My mom and I went online shopping and got a $210 Synergy. I kind of didn't want it to be my present... just because I'd rather get something else, but I need the bat. My mom told me she'd buy it for me, not as a birthday gift. Just as a parent supporting a child's hobby. As if that isn't enough, the fall ball season alone is like 100 bucks too.

I want so bad to go to the Fall Out Boy concert in December. My mom told me that she would get 2 tickets, for me and Nicole. My dad wanted to come just to like "be there" in case of emergency, so that's another ticket. The thing is, my mom told me she would get them for me before she looked at the prices. And the only ones I've found are around $100 each. Sh*t. She got kind of stressed when I told her how much they were, and my dad is all, flat-out, "That's too much money." So I'm already pretty upset by now, but I know that if there's a will, there's a way. And THEN my mom starts talking to me later and tells me how mad my dad is at her. My dad recently quit his job and is trying to start a business.

Soo... I have about $70 that I can spend on a ticket. I would ask Nicole if she could offer up anything for her ticket, anything at all. That just seems kind of rude to me. Already saying we would pay, but then telling her she had to. So I'm just coward enough to tell you through this post, Nicole.

BUT I have a plan. See, I know my parents will pay for some of the price, at least like 50 bucks (I hope). That's already $130 with my money, plus anything that Nicole wants to offer up. My relatives will for sure send me cash for my birthday, so I can tell my parents just to use that. No one is making my dad go. Even THEN if it's not enough, I can always pay my parents back later. So there.


Today at school was okay. English is fine. We presented our name tablet things in front of the class. Some of them were interesting. Did you realize Dennis backwords is Sinned? Hmm.
Spanish is not that bad, but we just review old stuff the whole time, which I already know. It's kind of annoying. But I get to talk to Andy (Omg-- he has Andy Hurley's name! I just realized that) =] Today, Ryan came in and he was like, "Heyy, you were in the newspaper!"(for softball) Haha, that was pretty cool.
Key club met for the first time today at lunch. I couldn't hear anything that girl said.

Nicole, you better freaking do Drama Club! You're the only friend I have in there, so if you quit, I quit. Just sayin'.


And remember, my birthday is the seventeenth! THE SEVENTEENTH!

Fall Out Boy = Love

Okay, I have crossed the line from fan to obsessed. But I'm okay with that. There is going to be a concert in San Diego on the first of december. My parents are going to get me two tickets, so I can bring Nicole. If she can some. And if she can't, I will erase this part of my post and sulk for a very long time. Anyways... Yeah! So excited!

I found this list on facebook of how you know you're obsessed with Fall Out Boy... the original list is longer but I picked the ones that are true for me. Enjoy.

-you've ALWAYS got a song stuck in you're head.
-you know almost everything about them and you still want to know more.

-you seriously believe that you and [Pete] were MEANT to be together.

-you cannot understand people who don't understand that Fall Out Boy IS the greatest band on earth.

-you would go to jail for beating up the person that just called Patrick fat.

-you would end the sucker who just called them sell outs.-you associate everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, with either a fall out boy song, release the bats, a random quote from a bandmember, etc.

-you don't just know the words and the names to the songs, but the stories leading up to their writing.

-you get mad when people don't remember andy or joe.

-you go around correcting people on the band member's birthdays, the way fall out boy is spelled, the lyrics to songs, the song titles, the date the band was formed, the way they got their name, etc., etc.

-you're glad pete is with ashlee, even if the only reason is because he's happy. <-- haha, yeah right

...but a little part of you still wants to kill her for being with YOUR man. <-- yes!

-you laugh at other fans because they're not as big of a fan as you are.

-you would stand around for HOURS after the concert has ended just to meet them.

-if someone brings up something in conversation that reminds you of fall out boy, you will talk about the band for the next ten hours.

-if fall out boy died in a plane crash, you would cry for a year. if you didn't kill yourself. (okay, maybe not THAT extreme)

-you know EOWYG is a horrible record, but you love it anyway.

-you've thrown many a hissy fit because you missed a televised appearance by them.

-you know that fall out boy wasn't REALLY fall out boy until andy joined.

-you know what trohmaniac means.

-you get excited to the point of screaming when you think about meeting them.

-you've stayed up all night listening to fall out boy, reading internet articles about fall out boy, and fantasizing about fall out boy.

-even thought you own all of the CDs, when a fall out boy song comes on the radio, you get the need to scream and turn it up as loud as it can go.
-you get extremely jealous just looking at someone else in a picture with them, therefore, you dont look at fan photos.

-you have become obsessed with wearing hoodies, because pete is obsessed with wearing hoodies.

-you automatically like someone when there name is Patrick, Pete, Andy or Joe.

-you almost convince yourself that the members of FOB know who you are.

-when you are having a conversation with someone you are constantly holding yourself back for saying: "Hey, said that in an interview once."

-you go through every magazine in the store just looking for anything remotly similar to Fall Out Boy.

-you know when a picture was taken simply from: a. patrick's weight b. pete's pants/shirt c. all of their hair d. patrick's sideburns.

-when you take fall out boy tests online, you ALWAYS get 100%.

-you know the hand motions that accompany each of the songs. *i.e. BOTH sets of the hand movements for the flash flash flash part of "the take over, the break's over" (pete and joe's), everything patrick does onstage during "dance dance", the salute during "sugar we're goin down", etc.*

-you've done the hand motions in public.

And these I've made up myself:

-your binder picture is a Fall Out Boy design.

-you have a Fall Out Boy shirt.

-your cell phone background is Fall Out Boy (or just Pete).

-you have a bulletin board in your room half covered with photos of FOB.

-you push Fall Out Boy on other people as much as possible.

-your family knows everything about them because you talk about them so much.

-your AIM info is always dedicated to them.

-you buy Clandestine things simply because Pete designed them.

-instead of Pete, you call him Peter because it makes you sound more familiar.

-you desktop background is always Fall Out Boy, and you have 20 more ready-to-use pictures.
-you dedicate a whole blog post just to talk about how obsessed you are with them. :)

If you read all that, you get a free 'I ♥ FOB' T-shirt!

... Now to reality. School is fine. Ughh, lab day tomorrow. And a math test. Oh crap. And today I found out that I'm not the only one who thinks it's wierd Latifis bought the Heroes Season 1! Ginny said so too.

And remember, FaLl OuT bOy Is FlIpPiNg AwEsOmE!