Hillbilly Land

Well, tomorrow I'm going to be in Saint Louis, Missouri. I'll be there until Friday. Uh.. so yeah, if you're wondering why I'm not online, that's why. I really don't want to go. Hopefully you're smart enough to check this blog to see that that's why I'm gone...... Blah.

Be My Unholy, My One And My Only

"This story is a complete waste of the eyesight that you will lose reading it." ;)

Ho hum, I don't know what to write about. Today was the pre-Christmas thing that everyone does; I basically just ate like twenty cookies and a decent amount of candy. My Secret Santa was Sam, and he got me a Boys Like Girls tee(!!!!!!!). Right now I'm glad we have break, but I know in like two days I'm going to want to go back to school. When I'm home all day, I just have too much time to think. And a lot of that thinking is about Connor.

Like over Thanksgiving break, when I deluded myself in believing I stood a chance with him? Yeah. I feel like such a freak.. I like him so much and he can barely remember my name. Stalker much? But yeah... every time I see him I get the butterflies and then upset that pretty much all I can do is say hi. I do want to spend more time around him, and yet I don't want to hang out with his friends at lunch (no offense). I want to hang out with Nicole when her group gets together, but at the same time I don't. I don't know.


To be despised, to be loved.
To be dreamt of, to be sought.
On the inside I don't care
Right in the middle,
I'm right in the middle
To be despised, to be loved.
To be dreamt of, to be sought.
On the inside I don't care
Be my unholy, my one and my only.
-One & Only by Timbaland (featuring Patrick Stump)

Hammers and Hearts

Life is just so random, don't you think? High school maybe. My life.

Anyways... last night I walked Christmas Card Lane with some of my friends, and while we were waiting to be picked up, we saw Nicole drive by. Then I knew. I knew he asked her.

He didn't, actually (he being Connor and she being Alli, DUH). I talked to Phil last night and he said that he didn't have the chance to ask her because he didn't go. I knew he was going to anyway, so whatever.

He did ask today. When class comp. started Nicole pulled me over and was like, "Hey I need to talk to you."
"He asked her." (Note, not a question, but a statement.)
"Yeah. So, how are you?"
"Well it kind of sucks."
"She doesn't even like him anymore."
I was really quiet after that, at least I think I was. Then after like an hour, I sat by Nicole and Alli and they were talking about what Alli should do, considering she didn't want to go out with him. Nicole was all, "You should break up with him, don't wait. Don't lead him on." So then Alli was like, "I can't do it, will you help me?"
At that point, I left.
Later, Nicole came up to me, "Hey guess what!"
"They broke up."
And she told me that Alli couldn't even do it herself; Nicole had to do it for her.

Nicole texted me saying how everything was good now, and I guess I went a little too far with badmouthing Alli, because Nicole got a little defensive, saying that Alli was good to her or whatever. I said sorry, but I'm thinking she's forgotten what exactly Alli has done to her. Whatever.



Now what happens? He's single, and probably upset. If not sad, then he's realized how stupid Alli is. And he's single *cough*. Did I mention he's single?




God, you don't know how much homework I have right now.

Praying For Our Lips To Touch

Those cartoons are from some Pon and Zi thing. And they're pretty much how I feel. Today at class comp Alli and Nicole were there right? So, we were practicing and some girl was like, "Alli, you have a message from Connor." And then Nicole was all "Oooh! Oooh! Lemme see!" And well, I haven't been feeling good since. It's honestly like I was just slapped in the face, and my heart totally crushed. You get the idea. :(

The Boy With The Thorn In His Side

I drew this during that time when I wasn't very happy... a couple months ago. It's a picture from The Boy with the Thorn in his Side by Peter Wentz. I didn't make it, or design it, or whatever. I just copied it out of the book. (not traced, just copied)



Well, as I told Nicole, the reasons I'm upset about Connor are: I'm not going to get over him any time soon. And he's not going to like me any time soon either. I'm a spoiled brat about this. I have everything that someone could want (well, cept a boyfriend). It's just stupid. You know I've liked him for a year? It's hard to believe anything is going to happen now that didn't happen a year ago.

I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers

Hey ya'll. Just got back from Nicole's party (well kinda). It wasn't terrible. There's just a lot of stuff to think about which is kind of why I'm here.

1. Connor(because you all want to know): I'm speechless. Really. I don't know how I can convey this in cyberspace. Let's start with the fact that I talked to him. Multiple times. Okay, so far so good. I sat next to him on the couch... he played with my phone... I can't fucking believe he likes Alli. My God. Really, I don't think you know how I feel. Well, Nicole was right, they seriously do not talk. It's wrong to be mad at her; it's not like she's doing it to make me mad or something. You can't understand. I don't feel good. I feel sick. I sat next to Connor when he was playing guitar. That was a super huge deal for me. And then when I would get in his way or something and I needed to move, he would lightly guide me out of the way. Don't fucking congratulate me. This feeling is not good.

2. Nicole and Phil: Sickeningly sweet. Emphasis on the sickening. It's me being bitter, stupid, jealous. And seriously, I'm happy for them. I just want a guy to look at me the way Phil looks at Nicole.

3. Being lonely: It wasn't that bad. But I sure had to make it unbad. The deal was that Phil would stick with me so I wasn't left out the whole time. Yeah, right. Him and Nicole were all fucking over each other. It was good that Rachael was there, and I talked to Alicia and Danny too. Whatever.



That's all. And I can't even describe it right.

A Beautiful Lie

"It's time to forget about the past
To wash away what happened last
Hide behind an empty face
Don't ask too much, just say
That this is just a game"
-A Beautiful Lie by 30 Seconds to Mars

I think I should just let the lyrics speak for themselves.

Love Never Wanted Me

Well, Connor does like Alli for sure. And he plans on asking her out.

I thought I could actually do something. I guess not.

CLOTHES OFF!

Sighh. The Fall Out Boy concert last night was fucking amazing.

Alright, so Nicole and I got there at like 4:30. We waited outside for about two hours until they finally let us in. Once in we got to the floor and sat down. Then all of a sudden, everybody got up and ran to the front of the floor (don't know why).

So we're all standing there for a while, when Doug from Doug Does Decaydance comes out. He played a few songs: Dance, Dance, But It's Better if you Do, and some song from Snakes on a Plane. He was pretty good.

Then Cute is What we Aim For came out. We weren't really moshing, but the crowd was moving around and it was pretty insane. And not fun. So Cute is What we Aim For was good, but I only knew two songs: The Curse of Curves, and There's a Class for This. After they were done Rachael and Nicole and I got off the floor.

We went to get nachos and Pepsi and I got a Fall Out Boy hoodie and Nicole got me a late birthday present (Fall Out Boy tote).

We took some seats in the back for Plain White Ts. I felt kind of bad because I only knew Hey There Delilah, but that's okay. Right after they started Hey There Delilah, there was this huge boom. I have no idea what happened, but the band was just like, "Well, I hope no one's dead." Hahaha.

After Plain White Ts, the Gym Class Heroes came out. Well, first Soulja Boy rapped for a little bit, which was kind of like whatever. Then they played Cupid's Chokehold. It was actually pretty cool; they got the crowd really pumped. Travis was talking and he was all, "How many parents are there out in the crowd? See, all you little fuckers wouldn't be here without your parents! So when you next see them, I want you to go up to them, give them a kiss on the cheek, and say, 'I fucking love you.'" Yeah, he was funny. And then he talked about his sexy hand. Hahaha. When he raised his sexy hand, we had to get louder. Finally they started to play Clothes Off. AND PATRICK MARTIN STUMPH RAN OUT ON THE STAGE SINGING AND JUMPING AROUND. I PRETTY MUCH DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN. Nicole and Rachael and I were screaming, and screaming, and screaming. FUCKING AWESOME. I will never ever forget that feeling.

Once Gym Class Heroes were done, Fall Out Boy put up a screen with a picture kind of like Where the Wild Things Are (cause it's called the Young Wild Things Tour). All of a sudden, the lights dim. They play this slideshow kind of thing with pictures of the Happy Tree Pals in The Carpal Tunnel of Love, pictures of bandmembers, the eye and keyhole. It turns into a sort of shooting gallery and ends with a shot at Pete. It machine gun effect and the blood that comes up reads 'fall out boy'. You see a light shining behind the screen on Andrew Hurley. And then the stage lights up, and the screen drops. SUGAR, WE'RE GOIN DOWN. DUDE. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. They played amazingly, and they played all of the songs I wanted them to. Sugar We're Goin Down, Where is Your Boy?, I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me, HUM HALLELUJAH, THE CARPAL TUNNEL OF LOVE, Bang The Doldrums, THRILLER, "The Take Over, The Break's Over" (which I will forever know as "The Take Over, The Fucking Break's Over," due to Pete's introduction), XO, A LITTLE LESS SIXTEEN CANDLES, A LITTLE MORE "TOUCH ME", I'M LIKE A LAWYER WITH THE WAY I'M ALWAYS TRYING TO GET YOU OFF (ME & YOU), The (After)Life of the Party, Golden (Acoustic), some Christmas song (also acoustic), THIS AINT A SCENE IT'S AN ARMS RACE (WITH FIRE!!), THNKS FR TH MMRS, DANCE, DANCE, AND SATURDAY! During Saturday, they shot the confetti. I took some.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=CzIrawEQ0hA
In short, Joe, Patrick, Pete, and Andy were amazing. BEST CONCERT EVER. I'm so sad it's over :( But you can bet your ass I'm going when they come back next time.