Poppin' Champagne

All Time Low concert was last night!!! It was soooo much fun!

First, we got there at around 6 and waited in line. While there, some guys came over and gave us flyers for their bands. One of the guys, Hutton, is in a band called A Dull Science, and he was super cool! I looked up the bands today, and they're all good so I want to go to that show now :)

When we got in, we immediately went to the merch stands. I got a concert T, and Nicole and Bella both got different All Time Low shirts. Then we went to the bathroom, haha.

The first performance was Every Avenue. We started at the back of pit to test the waters, and a circle mosh pit formed in front of us so we were a little afraid to go further. The lead singer of Every Avenue was really hot once he took his wig and shirt off! Haha, I remember people throwing a bunch of crap on the stage and he was like "C'mon, anything else?" They played songs I knew including Where Were You and Think of you Later. Once the circle mosh died down, we ran through and shoved our way closer to the front. That was the last we saw of the moshers.

Next up was The Maine! The lead singer came out in like a British flag speedo with money stuffed into it, haha. He was SO HOT! And I remember that the guitarist was cute too, with a Transformers (?) costume that was 3 sizes too small on. I kept hoping he would take it off (in fact, we were yelling "TAKE IT OFF!"), but he didn't. Anyways, they played a bunch of songs from Can't Stop, Won't Stop, most notably Count 'Em One, Two, Three, and The Way We Talk. And they didn't have the audience sings "sex sells" so I lost five bucks to Nicole. We went up probably 3 or 4 rows during their performance. Afterwards, the drummer threw me a water bottle! I drank it and licked it and then poured water on people, hahaha. (then Bella threw it at Mayday Parade)

Obviously, the next performance was Mayday Parade. I don't know them very well, but I remember that they played Jamie All Over and Miserable At Best (which was a chill song because people weren't really shoving). Their costumes were really cool! It was a batman theme, I think. The guitarist was SUPER hot with a green question mark on the side of his face. Even though I didn't really know them, they had a ton of energy that really pumped us up.

Next, the main attraction, ALL TIME LOW! They came out jamming to Poppin' Champagne. They kicked it off with a couple of other songs to start the energy from the beginning. We were so close at this point, like 2nd/3rd row status. They were SOOOO CLOSE! When Alex would lean over the crowd, it was like.. amazing. The way he sang and smiled and looked at you made it feel like he was actually singing to you. And then he was drinking Fiji water out of a big bottle and he threw it into the crowd and Bella caught it! She squeezed it so hard that a ton poured all over me and her, and that was super awesome. Then we both drank some and passed it around. We were both just like "WE HAVE HIS GERMS NOW! SQUEEEEEE!" And during one of the songs (The Girl's a Straight Up Hustler) the guys in the other bands came out in their underwear and danced and stuff for like 20 seconds. Ahhhhh so nice. The last song they played was Dear Maria, Count Me In, which was a great song to end with. It's the only full song I recorded on my camera. Near the end the guitarist came into the crowd and I tried to dive but I didn't touch him :( But Bella did!



I was EXHAUSTED when I got home, but it was soooo worth it. I totally miss it already. I'm like super ready for another concert, and we want to go to Hutton's concert in December! Hahahaha :)

Take a Step Back

Wow. So it's been almost a month since I've actually updated this thing. Mostly because.. well, my grandma passed away. I really didn't want to talk about it at first and then after neglecting the blog it just seemed too big to tackle. But I'll just say it now: Sarah Grant, rest in peace. I know you're happy now and you're with Don looking down on me. You will be missed, especially when anything reminds me of you. I just need to find the confidence that you aren't sad and that you don't want me to be sad either.



Now of course, anything else I say will seem superficial but I couldn't just NOT mention my grandma.

It's kind of hard to get started again since it's been so long, but I think I'll just delve into the dramaaa that plagues the group. Well, firstly, Ginny and Andy were very annoying. Then Ginny got mad at Andy for like a week because he "didn't seem to care" about her. And now they're back to "Big Bro" and "Lil Sis." Yay, everyone's happy (sarcasm). Lately I've been kind of.. avoiding those two, which secludes me from part of the group. Instead, when they went to Haunted Trails, I had an anti-Haunted Trails party at my house with Nicole, Chad, Jason, Shayon, and Angela. But more on that later ;). Basically, I'm just kind of.. done with Ginny. I'm not mad at her, we haven't fought, I still talk to her on AIM. The thing is, I just... don't like being around her too much? Let's face it, she's a little self-absorbed. If I could, I would just like.. break off with the whole anti-HT group. Which brings me to Angela. She told me that she thinks Andy has changed. Now, I can't really have an opinion there because I didn't know him too well before this year. She's been his best friend all through middle school. She says that he's getting a little bit of Ginny's meanish attitude. Today I was on the phone with Andy and Ginny and he was talking about how ANGELA has changed, and how she's started being mean to him. Me and Ginny both just told him to talk to her. I don't really know what's going on; I'll probably try to coax some more out of Angela tonight.

Sooo the anti party! It was definitely a blasty-blast. We baked pumpkin bread and picked out dirty words on the fridge and played Rock Band and chilled in the living room and were amazed at Jason's amazing bass playing. Hanging out in the living room gave me an extreme sense of security and comfort. Everyone being there and everyone being comfortable and happy just made for an awesome "moment." Jason still seems, well, pretty freaking cool. It was really great. I know he felt truly comfortable and open and I'm just glad I got to spend that time with him, and I feel like I'm becoming a real friend to him. (P.S.: I was alone with him in my room ;)


Oh, and last order of business: CONCERT THIS FRIDAY! All Time Low, The Maine, Every Avenue, and Mayday Parade. I'm going with Nicole and Bella, and uh, it'll be pretty freakin' sweet. I'm SO excited!

Decipher Reflections From Reality

Short post time.

Last night was Homecoming, and I went because I thought that it would just be better to go with Bella, Sam, and Chad.

Of course Gina and Jason were there. Oh yeah, seeing his arm around her and seeing them holding hands was great.

I don't know if I'm glad I went. I guess if I didn't, then I would have been wondering the whole time... Either way, it would have sucked.

I'm Calming Down

"I'm Calming Down" is a super awesome song by Lights Out Dancing. It's a really happy song about how life is worth living and all the things that make it good. Not only are the lyrics good, but the music is cool too :)

I guess I am calming down (maybe because of the song). It still really sucks that Gina and Jason are going to Homecoming, though. And I'm ashamed to say it, but if I didn't know that he totally likes her, then I would delude myself into believing he likes me. I think he's just naturally a really sweet guy though, and that's what keeps messing me up.

All this stuff happened at Floatbuilding (Woot! Done!) yesterday. Where should I begin? How about, he held my bag for me when we went to go put it in Mrs. Correa's room. Okay, when has a guy EVER done that before? Or maybe, when we were looking at the Minny and Mickey painting, and after I told him I drew Minny, he kept complimenting me, saying things like, "Wow, I think she's even better than the original picture (smile)." Maybe the fact that he gave me the duct tape flower he and Andy made, when every one else asked for it and I didn't. Okay, that's a little elementary school, but whatever haha. And for the Grand Finale: We did our handprints together. Gahh. It's hard for me to even talk about it, hah. Basically we alternated red and yellow on the fingers and then he did his palm red and I did mine yellow. And then we touched thumbs in the middle. So the first time we tried putting them on, I did my right hand and he did his left, and we had to cross over because I stood to the left and he stood to the right (if that makes sense). Just being close to him is... I can't explain. And after we put them on, and we both still had paint on, we touched hands together (kind of like a high five, but there was no motion and we kept it there for like 5 seconds). So anyways, our handprints are connected by the thumb and they have our initials under them.

I really really had to resist the urge to paint a + between the JM and OR.

Broken Compass

So. I'm not going to Homecoming even though I already bought my twenty dollar ticket. Let me explain why.

Firstly, there's this whole drama crap about what group I would take pictures with and stuff (read: Ginny, Andy, Jason, Gina, Carrie vs. Sam, Chad, Bella). I can't choose, hello, so it's just way easier to not be involved.

Secondly, we have Ginny and Andy who annoy the bejeezus out of me. Not only are they totally all over each other like a couple, but they have this whole matching outfit thing going on. Apparently they were both supposed to wear yellow, and then Gina bought a yellow dress, so Ginny got pissed at Gina. I didn't say anything, but of course I'm on Gina's side! Ginny really doesn't think about other people sometimes.

Thirdly, Jason and Gina. They both like each other. I just cannot deal with that; be in the same room for any extended amount of time. It would honestly like kill me. And plus, it would be Jason in formal wear, taking me back to when I first saw him in his debate clothes and started liking him. I. Can't. Deal.

My Beautiful Rescue

Gah. I don't know where to start. How about last night was my birthday party?

It was really fun (I think). We started by just chilling and then as more people came we started that embarrassing video game. That took about 45 minutes, so afterwards, we ate and had cake and hung out more. Finally my dad finished the video of everyone's stuff and so we took like a half hour to watch that, and it was really funny. Afterwards, we just partied for a while. People danced, people played Twister, people had coin wars with my little brother. I opened presents and ended the party around the camp fire playing Truth or Truth.

Do you want to hear the Jason story? Well, firstly, it was cool because we went up into the loft and he played my dad's bass for a while and he's really good. We actually went up there a couple times but just to get the guitar and everything so he could bring it down. So during Truth or Truth, I realized that Jason had been alone playing guitar for quite a while in the Playstation room. I went in to check on him and just sort of sat there and we talked a little bit. It was pretty sad; he was talking about how he honestly doesn't like parties, but never wants to be rude so he comes anyways. He's so deep. He would play like a song, and then tell me something, and then start playing again. I suggested that I send Andy in, because they're best friends and everything, and Jason was like, "Usually Andy just makes it worse." I asked why, and he was just explaining how Andy doesn't see why it's hard for him to be outgoing, and Jason also told me that he's explained to Andy before but Andy kind of forgot about it a couple days later. He also said one thing that really got me, "I think I play the guitar so much, because it never leaves, you know?" Askljdlsafjs. I suggested that we go outside since the party was almost over so we went back to the loft to put the guitar back and I hugged him, since you know, yeah. Hahaha. Anyways, we went outside and sat around the fire, and since he was kind of out of the circle, I stayed with him. When he left, I hugged him again.

I don't know. I feel like I maybe made a breakthrough there? There's still everything that keeps me interested in him, and he continues to just wow me. One thing I noticed was a lot of eye contact. It was... bashful? on his part. Cutie!


Oh, did I mention he said he likes Gina Calo?
I don't want to believe it, but of course he does.

This is Your Birthday Song!

It isn't very long, hey!

Hahaha, today's my birthday! It's a better birthday than last year. Last year, eh, kind of sucked. I wasn't in a really good place, but now it's better :) This morning was awesome because my parents gave me a Cromartie jersey! I wore that to school and when I got there Nicole gave me a card and a present and Phil gave me a card. A bunch of people were saying happy birthday, and then Ginny brought balloons (first time ever for me!) and this piece of chocolate cake and a birthday card that everyone wrote in. It's super sweet I love it :) It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! And since I had the balloons, pretty much everybody I know said happy birthday to me. So far, it's been a pretty good day.

School work kind of sucks. I'm already getting lazy... I haven't started the APEC outline yet. I know basically nobody has, but usually I do a little bit every day, and I haven't been so far. I've been putting off homework too, like tonight, I have to do basically the whole lab for chemistry. Crap man. Oh well! It's my birthday!

Hm, what to next? Jason, you say? Well maybe you didn't say that, but I'm going to talk about him anyway. Yeah I still like him. I don't get all squee-y lately, but I think that's just because my emotional biorhythms are low (I'm so lame I know). I still talk to him in APEC and I TRY to walk with him afterwards... sometimes that happens, sometimes it doesn't. Usually the reason it doesn't happen is Kathryn. The other day, I was walking with him, and I heard her behind us so I moved closer to him so she would go to my other side, but she squeezed right in between us. She's kind of been irritating me lately, but whatever. Oh! I guess I never talked about that weird incident with Andy. I was talking to him on the phone and I asked about how he was feeling about Andrea and basically he said he didn't like her anymore. I mentioned how uh every guy likes or has liked her, and how I was a little afraid that Jason would like her too. Andy rejected that thought immediately, incessantly insuring me that Jason didn't like her. Obviously that caught my attention. I asked him about it, and he kept saying that he couldn't tell me anything, only that this was something he had no control over. I told Phil, and then Andy told Phil the big secret! Phil won't tell me either. Anywayssss, things have sort of died down since then. Sigh. Whatever.

Squee!

Jasonjasonjasonjasonjason.
Yep.
That's what's on my mind quite a bit now. It's so great liking a new guy. I talk to him pretty much every day except for Thursdays and most weekends. Okay, so that's only like 4 days, but still! I love having him in my APEC class. I love talking to him after class when we walk to second period or break. I loved today when Kathryn said something stupid and he looked at me and smiled. I love talking to Nicole about him! Hahaha :)

Today after class we walked together (again) (!!!). I asked him what his second period was and he told me his third period is band. He said he doesn't really like playing the flute (yes, flute, I know) but he likes all the stuff band gets to do and the people in it. He volunteered that information. Better than "the weather's nice" eh? And he was saying that this morning he was in the band room because somebody brought a bass guitar and so he of course wanted to see it. I asked why he didn't bring his guitar every day and he said that he would only be able to play it like the 15 minutes at break, but once marching season is done and he has pretty much a free period for band, he'll start bringing it. We had to part ways once I got to my locker, but it was really cool talking to him :) I love talking to him! I told him that I liked when he spiked his hair, hahaha. It was, after all, the thing that got me to notice him.

High Hopes in Velvet Ropes

So today is Sunday of our three day weekend! I'm so happy that we have tomorrow off, because I got to put off my homework yesterday and today. Plus we had the Hilltop hangout thing today, which is really what I want to talk about, hahaha.

So I got there 4th after Ginny and Will and Jason. We just sat around and talked for a while and played Go Fish, haha. Then Sam, Latifis, and Gina came and we played kemps. I was Jason's partner! :) We did pretty good and it like.. opened up the door for communication. After Andy and Carrie came we played toilet tag and football. I was on a team with Gina, Brandon, and Jason :) and our team name was White Power. We ended up ending at a tie because we were tired and it was really hot. After that, a bunch of people just did random stuff like playing with the football and lacrosse sticks, and I sat with Jason and he played guitar and we talked. I videotaped him playing, haha. And then it was so cute, he started playing Hey There Delilah because that was like the only thing I knew. At some point here, Bella came. We played ultimate frisbee for a while (same teams) until the other team pretty much gave up and like started cheating. Andy and Bella left to walk down to MC because Andy left something in his locker, and they ended up being gone for like the whole time. We basically just hung out until Jason and Ginny had to leave, and Andy and Bella got back. Then it was over. The end. Haha :)


It's crazy. I totally like Jason. He's super cool! I like that he's quiet, and that he's cute and plays guitar. He's nice and polite and smart, too. :)

Kiss My Sass

So it's the middle of the week! We've been in school for a week and a day. I have a ton of homework, too. Pretty much something from every class except P.E. and I finish a lot in math, so not that so much. I'm trying to stay ahead of everything too, so nothing overwhelms me like I fear it will. That means I do the assignment the day it's assigned, not the day before it's due (unless, like the the APEC outlines, it can't be completed in just one day). Speaking of APEC, the reason I'm blogging right now is because I don't want to study APEC vocab, haha. I'm actually really far ahead on the chapter 12 outline, like, I'll finish tomorrow. Dude, I know people that haven't even started.

The main thing with school, though, is as I predicted. Guys. I'm pretty sure I like Jason--the reason I say 'pretty sure' is because I don't know if he's even attainable (he's so damn quiet!). Although, today he said hi to me :) I know how completely and utterly lame that sounds, but it IS something because I usually have to say hi to him. I wasn't even looking at him and he said hi to me! So there. I told Andy that I liked Jason and he was like "Aww that's sweet." Which is, you know, better than "Oh he likes someone else." And coming from his best friend, I guess that's a compliment. Maybe it's saying that there's some potential there. Reading too much into it? Probably.

Anyways, it's kind of weird with Connor right now. I can't really like more than one guy at a time, but it's still weird seeing him in the hallways. I've heard numerous stories about what a jerk he is, but I can't help that my heart beats faster whenever I see him. I know it's still impossible for anything to happen. No classes again. What are the chances?

I guess that's all. I need to start planning my birthday party though! Mardi gras, yesss. And now I can have both Phil and Nicole there! Thank God.

Bring 'Em Out

School started today! Do you realize it's been almost a year since I started my blog? Give or take a few days, but yeah. I never thought I would keep it up so long! Sure, I've had some silent periods, but I think it's still going strong.

Well, don't you want to hear about my classes?

1st period: APEC. Today we didn't really do anything important, just the standard rules and expectations lecture. He said it would probably be the easiest day until the AP test. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little scared. He's making it as close to a college class as he can, so obviously it's going to be a bit difficult. He's a cool teacher though, and I know he'll help us, so that's good. Did I mention this is the class I share with Jason? :) Well, I didn't sit by him today, unfortunately. Sam, Bella, Andrea, and I got in just as the room was about full, so we grabbed the four seats that were basically next to each other. He came in pretty much last and took one of the only empty seats (and there were no empty seats near us). I think I'll talk more about Jason at the end of the post, but yeah. APEC. Good stuff.

2nd period: Spanish 5. I have it with both Latifis (UGH) and Laura (yay!}. Today I sat in the back corner next to Max with Laura behind me and Brandon behind Max. Cooper's voice drones, and that is not helpful to keeping me in the present and out of daydreams. I participated a lot though because I heard she plays favorites! Haha. Oh come on, it's working smarter, not harder. There MIGHT be a cute guy in that class but I couldn't get a good view of him because he sat in the row on the opposite side of the room and I couldn't see behind the person in front of him.

*Break*: The band group kind of hangs with us now ^_^ That being Andy, Gina, Carrie, Kyla, and of course Jason!

3rd period: Honors Humanities. Mrs. Blalock isn't really that young, but she acts really young. She talks like a valley girl and chews gum as she talks. She'll probably be easy--for which I am thankful--and she seems passionate about cultures and values, which is cool to see in your teacher. I like the people in that class, especially because I finally have a class with Nicole! Chad and Tracey are cool too, haha.

4th period: Beginners Racquetball. I like everything about that class, the people (except Latifis), the teacher (GREEN WOOT), and the sport. Today was boring cause we just sat in the gym the whole period, but I'm thinking it'll get better. Carlos Rivera is in that class, who I think is passably cute.

*Lunch*: People were objecting to our spot, but I don't know why. If they can find a better spot, then they should try. I think it's fine so if they're complaining then they have to be the ones to fix it. The only thing that could change is how cramped we are. If we were roomier, perhaps Jason's group would sit with us ;)

5th period: Honors Pre-Calculus. Apparently both the precalc teachers are cool, and I got Lafferty. He really is cool--funny, curses in front of us, let's us eat food, that kind of thing. Of course being the football and baseball coach is cool too. I just get the vibe that he's so cool that he would be the teacher to sleep with his students. I know it's a wierd thing to think! I have no evidence whatsoever, but he just.. fits the personality. I don't know! Hahaha. Anyways, Dave's in that class which is cool because I haven't had a class with him since 8th grade and we are pretty good buddies.

6th period: Chemistry. Mrs. Hepler is nice enough, but a little on the boring side. I can tell she really loves chemistry though, and I would believe that she could be a genius (she seems really really smart but a little wierd). She paired us into partners via seating chart, and I got paired with a smart junior who took physics last year. Woot! He's so not cute though. There actually is a potentially cute guy in there, but his personality could make or break him. I guess I need to get to know him more! ;)



So that's my first day as a sophomore. Exciting, eh? I actually have better teachers than I did last year, with the exception of Mrs. Cooper. What I'm most excited about is seeing Jason almost every day, hehe.

It's the beginning of a crush... you know how it feels. There's excitement and constantly thinking about how you look and the potential and everything. The 'did he just look at me? Is it special that he smiled at me?' That kind of thing. Grr, I want to sit next to him in APEC tomorrow, so hopefully Raskin doesn't assign seats yet. Sighh. He's so cute! I love his hair and his shyness and guitar-playingness. :)

The Beach

Yes, The Beach is a song! And the reason it's my title is because I spent pretty much this whole weekend at the beach.

Firstly there was Andrea's party at Torrey Pines on yesterday. It was alright, but I kind of felt like Ginny and Sam and Bella were being like "exclusive" because they wouldn't talk to Vi or anything. They all went into the water while Kathryn, Laura, Vi, Andrea and I took a bunch of pictures of each other and stuff. Seeing what we were doing, Ginny and Bella came up and like took over the camera. Whateverrrr. It was okay... I don't know. Not too memorable.

Today's party at La Jolla was totally more fun. First me, Sam, Will, and Kathryn got there and met up with Ginny and Carrie. We went in the water to chill for a while and then Steve and Chad came. When we went back to the sand we played this game called Boom Chicka Boom Boom (or something of the sort) and Andy and Kyla and Jason showed up. Then we played husbands and wives for a while. That was cool when I was Jason's wife and he caught me the first time I got up, haha. If you didn't understand that, well, go figure it out. Then we went in the water for a while again and after a while Jason and Andy got out, then me and Laura. When the other people got out Andy wanted to go to this candy store so me, Andy, Jason, Laura, Carrie, Ginny, and Kyla left to walk there. It was cool just talking to them and you know, especially Jason. He brought his guitar and played a bunch and when we went for ice cream we put a cup out and he tried to get tips (didn't happen, haha). Anyways, once we got back, a bunch of people went out in the water but I really didn't feel like it so I chilled with Kyla and Jason (who at this point, was only playing his guitar). I asked Kyla if he was always so.. "like that" and she said he wasn't so I don't really know what was up. Maybe just uncomfortable around all the people he didn't know? Anyways, Gina Calo showed up and me and Jason and Andy and her played a little volleyball for a while, and it was cool to hang with like normal Jason. Hmm.. there was more stuff, but I don't remember. The end was the best because we were playing like monkey in the middle in a circle with a football and there were 3 monkeys and the sun was setting and there was this party next to us playing music and stuff and it was just a really great way to see summer out. I totally want to party more like that next summer, by the way.

Oh, also at the end, I found out Jason has APEC with me! :) I don't know about his other classes, I just know he's not in my Humanities. The only thing that worries me is that he's in APEC with me AND Andrea and.. I'm no competition for Andrea.... But maybe it's better that I'm in the same class as them so I can see how they interact and stuff? Rather than have them both have the same science or something so I don't know how they act around each other?

School in less than 2 days!

Burnin' Up *barf*

So guess what guys? I decided to write a letter to the Jonas Brothers! Woohoo! Yeah, not like that. Mostly about how they don't strike me as a real band and more of a money maker for Disney. Enjoy, and tell me if I should change any of it before I send:

Hi guys, my name's Olivia. I can't say I'm a big fan of yours. Just hear me out-- this isn't hate mail.

I just don't like how you guys have turned into such a product of Disney. If you totally know already and don't care and you're just in it for the fame--which I don't like to believe--then I guess you can go on doing what you're doing. You have so many fans that love you and are hopelessly devoted that my opinion won't change you at all, unless you really agree with what I'm saying.

I think you guys want to be a serious band but I think it's impossible to take you seriously with the situation you're in. I've never really listened to your music (unless you count the overplayed things on Disney--a channel I tend to avoid) but a friend of mine has liked you from when you started, before you were the love of every girl under 14 years old. She is disappointed in your new album. I know all musicians change a lot by their third album, but, to quote her, you've "sold out" on this one. She says the old Jonas Brothers wouldn't write a song so generic and lyrically retarded as Burnin' Up. Hey, I'm not here to disrespect you and your music but I think it's safe to say that there is little to respect about Burnin' Up.

You are such a product for Disney; it drives me crazy. I know I can't blame you guys and I don't WANT to blame you guys, but just looking at a lot of your fans, you can tell. There are some, like my friend, who do like you for your music. It seems the majority, however, are teenyboppers who only care about the three hot guys standing on the stage.

The real proof that you guys are a product: you don't play all your music. Well, technically, the "Jonas Brothers" don't play all the music. The drum, bassline, backup guitar, and keyboards come from four guys standing in the back of your stage in the dark. Maybe one out of 25 of your "fans" knows who they are. I know you credit them like crazy in concerts and everything, and I know you are very much aware of them. Like I said, I'm not blaming you guys. But if you truly wanted people to know the other musicians, you could make them know. But Disney? They only care about the three guys that are going to make money.

Such As It Ends

School starts in a week! :) I got my schedule today at registration and I guess I'll post it here (along with the friends that are in that class):

1: APEC- Raskin (Sam+ Andrea; worst class but best people!)
2: Spanish 5- Cooper (Max+ Brandon (shoot me) and Laura)
3: Honors Humanities- Blalock (I forget, Maybe Sam, Max, Brandon? and Tracey for sure)
4: Racquetball- Green (Sam, Latifis, Nisha; should be fun)
5: Hon Pre-Calc- Lafferty (WHAT IS WITH HAVING NO FRIENDS IN THE ONE CLASS I NEED HELP IN?)
6: Chemistry- Hepler (Max. I swear I'm going to have to shoot myself)

So there you have it. I'm happy with most of my teachers except for Cooper for Spanish. I've heard she's hard... but I don't know if I should trust my sources because I'm a little above average in Spanish, you know? Kathryn, Bella, Will, and Chad all have screwed up schedules so I don't know for sure on them. Nicole and Phil have to go to late registration, Nicole because her parents are gone, Phil because he went to registration too late (>.<). Wow, I haven't actually thought about Connor being in any of my classes. Until now, that is. Crap.

I'm excited for my fiestas in this last week of summer though. Ginny's having a sleepover tomorrow night with me, her, Bella, Laura, and Kathryn. Sam is gonna come at like 7 and probably leave around 10. Will might come too but we don't really know. I'm excited because it actually might be the first sleepover I've had with any of those girls (except for Laura... does it count as Kathryn too if I slept over at their house?). We never really hang out just all girls so I got a bunch of magazines and we're gonna watch chick flicks. It should be fun.

Saturday is Andrea's birthday party at Torrey Pines, of course following the trend of beach bonfire parties (first Ginny, then Bella, now Andrea). It'll be fun for sure. I don't really want to get her a present but I GUESS I have to, haha. And that's all I have to say about that.

Sunday is the party I'm most excited about, another beach party. It's just an end of summer party and a lot of my friends are going to be there along with Gina and Carrie's friends, Kyla, Jason, and Andy. You know I'm excited to see Jason and Andy, but for different reasons. It'll be nice to see Jason again because I thought he would have moved by now, but who knows, maybe I'll still have a thing for him? And I'm excited to see Andy because he's super awesome, duh.

AND THEN THERE'S SCHOOL! It'll be awesome like, the night before, and then I'll have to get up in the morning at 6 AM and then I'll just be like fuck this. Especially having APEC 1st period where I'll probably have to take a test of some sort or something. Jeez. I like the prospect of challenge though. I'll probably pretend APEC doesn't bother me at all so I seem really smart or something, haha. Either that or I'll totally annoy everyone by complaining about it all the time. It's a 50/50 chance, really. I didn't have much trouble with the summer assignment though so... who knows.

You know what's going to be fun? The first break, because everybody will see all the people they missed over summer and everyone will be chatting about how their classes are so far, etc. Probably the same with lunch, too.

You know what sucks? I only have one easy class this year: racquetball. It's kind of funny seeing that on my schedule.. I guess it's kind of ironic sandwiched between honors classes. Well racquetball's a kickass sport, and you know it ;) I hope I can be Sam's partner though, and I probably will be, unless for some reason he wants to be with a Latifi but that won't happen, haha. Ginny gave me this awesome idea for me and Sam to just imitate Brandon's annoying voice all the time to really irritate him. Mwahahaha :)

I'm hoping that maybe since Lafferty's the freshman baseball coach then he'll like me because I play softball... I know, it's a long shot. It's all I got. I'm also hoping that maybe Chemistry isn't as totally hard as everyone says because it's required that you at least are taking Algebra 3-4 THIS year, but I took it last year. I really really don't want to sound snobby but I can't really measure the difficulty by the general opinion because those people probably aren't as.. smart.. as me. I feel jerky for saying it, but yeah. That's what I think.


ANYways, I hope you had fun reading all that! I'm super excited for school!

Whisper War

I FINALLY got money for itunes! I bought The Cab's album, Whisper War, and Ludo's album, You're Awful, I Love You. I am quite happy with both of my purchases ^.^ Whisper War is totally unique and upbeat and, okay, I kind of think it's a little unfair that a just starting out band gets such good production (it's like they were MADE rich, and didn't earn it, but whatever). Anyways, it's my favorite album in a while, especially the songs It's One of THOSE Nights and That '70s Song because they are unique and make me bop along and get all happy :) I really like Ludo's album because they are super different and the lyrics definitely tell a story and are pretty random but at the same time they sound good. I knew Love Me Dead from a while ago, but since buying the CD I like Lake Pontchartrain and Go-Getter Greg because they are totally not what songs are normally about. Lake Pontchartrain is like a horror story and it starts out:
I'll tell it like it happened, it was Darius and Noland and me
Just a few po' boys trying to get up outta Missouri
Took 55 to Louisiana, stopped by the highway to eat
They both had crawfish, strictly chicken for me
Back out under thunderheads, the radio was Southern soul
They interrupted Clarence Carter with a strange-ass local show,
They were sayin',

Come down to Lake Pontchartrain
Rest your soul and feed your brain
That's where you will get to see
Everything the water can be.
It's so funny to try and sing along with haha. Go-Getter Greg is told first person about hitting on the new neighbor girl moving in, and the lyrics are so disjointed that you would never think they could be a song, but he sings them anyways:
Hi
You must be new I guess
At least you're new to me
Saw you unpacking your car
So I said to myself
Maybe I should help her out
Since we're neighbors now
And all the other people here are elderly
And probably a little standoffish
And I've got nothing to do (and whatnot)
By the way I live in 207
My name is Greg
Wherever are my manners
Let me get that heavy box
It's funny because if you try and sing that right now, you would fail epically.

So I'm over Jordan. Haha, I was a little dramatic to get over him that fast, huh? It's just that I'm trying to put all this effort into talking to him and whatever but he honestly doesn't really even talk to me. Oh well. I actually DON'T LIKE anybody right now. It's a rather novel feeling.

Do You Know What I'm Seeing?

I am in summer crush mode right now, baby. I don't care if I have only a couple weeks of summer left. Shush.

So anywayysss... it's my neighbor's cousin ;) He's from Dubai and he has an accent and I didn't know what accents in Dubai were like but it's like Australian. Which is damn sexy. He has shaggy curly blondish hair (pretty surfer looking) and he's 14. So today I had a moment. I fell into the summer crush. Hard. Would you like the details?

So a bunch of his brothers and my brother and the neighbors were playing kick the can and we both were sitting out--me because I think kick the can sucks, but I don't know about him--and I asked him to show me some magic tricks with his cards. So he was laying there (the sexy lay, with one arm propping him up) and told me to pick cards and whatever. So as he was telling me what to do I realized what a gorgeous beautiful asjkfdla;jf voice he has. And then we got to this one trick where I picked a card, memorized it, and put it back in the deck, and then he put it back in the middle. He took the middle section out and started to go through the cards and put them down face up, after telling me to think 'Stop' when he got to my card. He put it down and I thought 'Stop' and he looked up at me with his gorgeous eyes and said, "You didn't have to say it so loud" and then he grinned at me. Yes, that was my moment. I know it's stupid but now I'm getting one of my crazy Olivia crushes. Oh well :)

We All Rock Along

I know, I know. It's been a really long time since I last posted but seriously, you don't care about my summer. It's probably the least news-worthy time of the year, but I'm still going to try to give you a post (mostly because Nicole just did yesterday and I don't want to seem so far behind, haha). And besides, you'll get a flood of new posts at the beginning of the school year.

Mostly I've been just hanging out and sleeping in late... I'm already done with APEC and Humanities assignments so my summer is free from here on out, although I'll probably review Julius Caeser once before the school year starts. Besides chilling out and being, uh, boring, I have hung out with friends, mostly since softball is over now. I also am developing a shopping addiction since I got a bunch of new clothes and yet I don't want to stop. Don't you just love the feeling of new clothes? And yesterday I got a straightener! Hooray! Maybe I won't have horrible hair for the entirety of next year.

Am I the only person who totally misses seeing guys every day? I like need to get out and talk to some or something or I am going to go crazy. I guess I kinda miss Connor, but not as much as I would be if I hadn't crushed on Jason at the end of the year. Speaking of Jason, I don't miss him too much, but that's for the better because he moved away. With a new school year comes new possibilities, so you never know... ;) Anyways, I think my self-esteem is pretty high now, and we know that that's been an issue in the past. I guess on the inside I'm still worried about being single for the rest of my high school career. I mean, I REALLY wanted a boyfriend by the end of 8th grade, and that didn't happen. I didn't stress the importance of getting one as much last year (don't get me wrong, I still totally liked guys, but I didn't feel the need to just have a relationship), but what if I don't get one this year? Or next? It's for the best that I don't worry about it, but Brittlyn has asked me, "Like, have you just never wanted a boyfriend? Or what?" I suppose it would be better to tell her the truth--that I'm usually obsessed with boys-- but it's so much easier on the ego to say that I don't really care. Do you get it?

I miss Phil too! I haven't properly talked to him since school got out and now he's in France and I don't know if I'll be able to talk to him while he's there. He told me that I could reach him via email but I sent him a message a couple days ago and he still hasn't replied. Unless I sent it to hotmail and it was supposed to be gmail.. which probably happened.

On the tangent of missing things, I miss softball! I saw my JV coach, Bobby, at Target the other day and we talked and it was cool. She was like, "Maybe we could try you catching.. but then I need you at second base!" Hahaha, I really miss JV. I can't believe it's another 8 months? I'm going to go crazy. And I'm totally gonna be out of shape.

So I think that's a nice and long update. I made something out of nothing! Just call me magic :)

We're Gettin' Down Till The Sun's Comin' Out

((I came here to make you dance tonight, I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you))

Hey ya'll! I'm waaay overdue for an update, aren't I? Well see, I was going to update last night--I figured I should at least 2 entries in June-- but right when I was about to, the internet turned off. So you get it a day late instead.

Over summer, there's not much to do. Of course I love it. Sleeping in late and laying around all day are probably my two favorite things, haha. The only activity I've really been doing is softball, which is still good. My team sucks of course. The other day I made a diving catch! It was between first and me and I leaped off the ground and caught it. Like, I was freaking horizontal in the air. It was pretty sweet :)

The other day I went to this girl on my team Brittlyn's house. She's gonna be a freshman next year but she's still really cool. It's cool because it's probably the first friendship that I've made through softball that'll probably survive even without the softball.

Other than that, the most notable things are the fact that I've been hanging out with Sydney and I went shopping recently and got SICK gladiator shoes. I can imagine Phil loving them, anyways.

Speaking of Phil, why the heck haven't I talked to you in so long! I miss you dude!

Paper Thin Hymn

I think it's about time for another post (and I have math homework that I don't want to be doing...). Oh, and by the way, I really do try to make the titles work with the subject and 99% of the titles are song names but for this post I couldn't really find an unused song title that worked. So you get the song I am (was) listening to.

Good Lord, school is almost over. I am muyy ready for summer, although I hate the fact that exams are the last 3 days. I can't believe freshman year is pretty much over. It went by really fast! Probably due to the fact that nothing happened to really mark the... era? No, freshman year was not a significant period of time. Oh dang-- idea for the post right herrr!

Allow me to guide you through the past school year:

In the beginning, I was uber-aware that I was the little freshman, especially taking computer graphic arts. My eyes were opened to everything high school (and I was especially happy about the guys; I still am pretty much). Seeing and reacting to the standout punk and emo groups coexisting with the jocks and cheerleaders. And even though practically every high school movie ever revolves around the issue of cliques, I haven't really seen cliques this year. At least, not the stereotypical mean cheerleaders and their victims. Sure, there are different groups, but everybody has a place to go and no single group is considered mean.

[Insert my birthday here!]

In the beginning of the year I was majorly crushing on Chad. I think I still liked Connor but not to the extent as I later did. Not too long from then, I got over Chad and got to liking Andy.

Innyhoo, I did not adjust to the situation as I had hoped. If you remember, I fell into a sort of "depression" (hey, it felt like I was depressed at the time). It came from being left out by friends at football games and also missing eighth grade. Seriously, eighth grade was probably one of the best, if not THE best, year of my life. Anyways. Around that time, my self-esteem faltered and I really got into The Boy With The Thorn In His Side. Right about/in the middle of then, I started liking Andy. He was in my Spanish class and I kind of depended on him to brighten my day. He still does that, but I don't like him that was anymore. I remember this was around Homecoming because Nicole suggested that I ask Andy and I said no way Jose. I didn't look forward to it because by then, my self esteem was low enough to make me apathetic to the world around me. Homecoming sucked, but what can you do. Oh yeah, and Connor was Homecoming Prince. Do I even have to explain how much that sucked?

After a while, I talked it (my issues) out with Nicole and it really helped with everything.

This was around class comp. Class comp sucked. Nicole left me and that was one of our first fights. I remember that I really liked Connor...

>>Simultaneously, Phil and Nicole were getting something started. Or something. I was the middle person. I don't remember too many details other than the fact that this was when I got really close to Phil (pretty much the second time we had ever spoken to each other) and I had to convince them to get together.

December 1, 2007, was my first concert. It was the Fall Out Boy concert and I went with Nicole and met up with Rachael there. Best time ever. Period.

Three days later, on Nicole's birthday, Phil asked her out. It was a joyous affair for all involved and apparently it became time for me to focus on MY love life, because Phil had everything he wanted. Over some extended break (it might have been Thanksgiving...), Phil convinced me to give it a go with Connor. I hung out with that group for a week and probably spoke three sentences total to him. Oh well. At the time it was way more than an "oh well", but whatever. I went to Nicole's birthday in the hope of getting Connor's attention and trying to steal him away from Alli. That was not a great night.<<

... still during class comp. I hope you understood that that all happened during the time span of class comp. Connor asked Alli out, and she broke up with him the same day. Via text. And Nicole had to do it for her.

After that, Connor dominated my thoughts, but nothing worth mentioning happened. In January, I got my braces off, and I believe that was when Nicole and Phil broke up (I know one of them will correct me if I'm wrong).

Softball came in February. I got mad at Nicole again because she bailed on it. Softball started out a little wierd because I didn't think Bobby liked me, but it got good. It became pretty much my life for like... 3 months. I was happy to make it my life, actually. I had a few problems with a couple of the people, but in the end, we were a good team. My batting got good and I played an alright second base too. I was "BEAST." It was the best season of softball I've ever played, I think.

During that time, I got in another fight with Nicole. So her and Phil had broken up, but I was still friends with both of them. She was mad at him and I told her things he said about somebody and she told that person. Honestly, looking back at it, it was kind of over exaggerated because I also thought she had showed them a portion of the conversation that was personal to me, even though she hadn't. We supposedly got over it, but I still couldn't accept it. I did get jealous about how she is around guys and just everything she ever did to me came back as another reason to be mad at her. That was one of the roughest times in our friendship because I didn't talk to her for like.. 5 days? I know, that's not that long, but for us it was. Needless to say, we worked it out.

So. I finished up with softball just recently and headed on to the Lightning all star team. This year has gone by fast. And it was really hard to document chronologically, especially in the early parts of the year. Did I just block that part out? Probably. I've met a LOT of new people this year. Even though I only made like, one really good friend (Phil), I got a bunch of new friendly relationships. From the people on my softball team to the people in my bio class, I will miss everybody over summer.

Speaking of people in my bio class... I think I like a new guy. Jason. The story? Sure:
I've never looked twice at him before. He recently started spiking his hair, and that caught my eye for maybe a second. Then his debate came up and he wore a white collared shirt, a black tie, and jeans, with the spike hair. It was totally punk rock and that's when I really thought about him. He's Gina's friend, and I remember her talking about how much of a gentleman he is. Alright, he's cute, quiet, and a gentleman. Sign me up!

Believe Me, I'm Lying

((Listen to Forever the Sickest Kids))

I'm over what I wrote about in the last post. It was just something that happened and I just kind of overreacted and everything came out. But I'm better.

Oh, and here's a good line from The Way She Moves by Forever the Sickest Kids:
"It's a terrible thing to know what you want
And know you can't have it at all"

Yep.

Underdog Alma Mater

I think it's time for an emergency post. I know I haven't posted in forever, blah dee frickin blah.

I just hit a rather low "low" on the rollercoaster of life. And, guess what? It was triggered by softball. It's almost as if it was last year.

The thing about going back to a 14 and under team from high school makes it seem like I should be the ringer there, and, well, I thought I should be too. That adds a lot of pressure. So tonight, at my first at bat, I struck out. Looking. Okay, I made a pretty good catch in the field. My next at bat, I got jammed and sent it right to the second baseman (don't ask me how I got jammed and it went right). We lost by a lot. I know it's not JUST my fault, but both times I got out there were 2 runners on base. And I also got frustrated by my team just because they don't really take it seriously at all. I know it should be about fun but at the same time you have to find the line between fun and just goofing off.

I'll admit it, as soon as I got in the car, I started crying. I'm crying right now, as a matter of fact. I haven't let myself cry over softball in about a year. I feel retarded. Anyways, it's just like Dane Cook described it: once I started to feel bad, the weight of the world just fell on my shoulders.

I hate school. I hate english and math the most. In english, there are a lot of people that annoy me: Grant, Christie, and even Kathryn now. As for reasons, Grant is an ignorant asshole, Christie talks about her self a lot (and it doesn't help that "Connor was sooo in love with [her]"), and I'm beginning to see that Kathryn isn't just sweet and nice and caring. My hate for math, that's pretty self-explanatory.

Let's go to people that I don't like now. A few people on my team, specifically the cheerleader eighth grader who acts like she's perfect (she has 'bitch' practically stamped across her forehead). Tracey, who I'm surprised makes this list. At least today, she was kind of bitchy to me. Like, I have health and she has P.E. sixth period, so I ask her to wait for me as it takes like, 30 seconds to get out the door. She never waits. So I usually walk up behind her and hit her backpack or something, and she rolls her eyes, whatever. Today I hit it and she goes (all mean), "Olivia, I'm not waiting for you anymore." I guess you had to be there to get the full effect, but it was pretty icy. I think I just walked alone after that.

I don't like myself much now, either. I'm pretty sure it's just coming with the onset of these crappy emotions but the anger is still there. First, I'm pissed about the softball stuff. And then I'm angry at my personality. I always feel awkward when I'm just one-on-one with someone, or if I talk to someone I'm not really close to. It doesn't matter who the person is, I just can't deal with it, and then I think about how stupid I am for not knowing what to say. And the fact that I can't talk to Connor at all and everywhere I seem to turn he keeps popping up. Wait, add pathetic to the list of things I don't like about myself.

When I'm With You

I really can't tell if I've used this title before.. I remember once I asked Nicole to find a song that was a good representation of my life and this is what she came up with. If you listen to it, you'll probably agree that it describes a certain aspect of my life very well.

Okay, I know it's been forever and ever since I last posted. I posted about sticking to liking Connor. "How is that going?" one might wonder. Okay, so basically nothing has happened since then. I think I'll have more opportunities next week without STAR testing because then I'll be able to see him after first period. Anyways, I haven't gotten depressed about him at all and I get very happy if I do see him (even from afar). It totally reminds me of the line, "Would you mind if I sat next to you and watched you smile?" Or perhaps, "And I don't want to fall to pieces, I just want to sit and stare at you." So yeah, I'm staying optimistic about it. As for the reason behind my 'epiphany' last time, it was because I figured, hey, if he had liked me before (which isn't 100% sure, but whatever), then what's stopping him liking me now?

I guess that's the main thing on the mind of Olivia for now. I've told you how little things make it seem like we totally were, I don't want to say meant to be, but meant to be together? The whole thing with our names in the same place for popular baby names (http://babynames.com/Names/Popular/) and whatnot? Well, today I found another. In Friends, on Days Of Our Lives, there was this girl named Olivia and she was supposed to marry a guy named (guess what?) Connor. Mmhmm.

Anyways. The reason school has been tolerable is because of STAR testing. It's cool because that means only three classes a day and less homework. Plus, I got an extra class with Phil and Nicole and Carrie. Now that's over, though.

Softball is still softball. I'm not as big of a hitter anymore, though. I usually get a hit once or twice in a game, but I'm not really an RBI hitter I guess. I'm second in the lineup, so that's kind of why. I don't like playing second base much either, because it seems like all I do is make errors. I've suggested that I move but Bobby wants to keep me there on the off chance that I do something right (but I'm pretty sure it's because she likes me and wants me to be infield). Gina Calo hit a home run yesterday and I say it's my turn! Alyssa Abrenica, Aurora, and Calo have all hit one.

So yeah, that's basically the update on my life. I'm trying to think of something more interesting to write about than how I'm feeling about Connor, but no such luck. Maybe I'll update soon; who knows.

I Still Like Connor

I'm sticking to my guns.
I'm giving it my all.
I'm praying that things work.
......


That was cool, yes?

For heaven's sake, something has to happen. I haven't liked him this long for no reason. If I put my mind to it, anything's possible. I think I just had an epiphany.

L.G. Faud

(Let's get fucked up and die)

Let's get fucked up and die..
I'm speaking figuratively, of course..
Like the last time that I committed suicide.. social suicide..
Yeah, so I'm already dead on the inside,
But I can still pretend with my memories and photographs,
I have learned to love the lie.

Let's get fucked up and die.
For the last time with feeling
we'll try not to smile
As we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights
That still shock and surprise.
I believe that I can, overcome this and beat everything in the end
But I choose to abuse for the time being,
maybe I'll win, but for now I've decided to die.



Emo, right? Well, I've been pretty down lately. Nicole and I are cool again (for real), but I don't know why my mood is still so gloomy. Sometimes I just sit there thinking, "What am I doing here? What's the point of doing anything anymore?" School is almost unbearable. The classes suck, and frankly, the people aren't fantastic either.

And now I'm sick. I actually think my negative attitude kind of started it, or at least enabled it. Right now I really want to go to sleep, even though I slept for 13 hours last night and didn't go to school today. Life just kind of sucks.

I Don't Love You, I'm Just Passing The Time

Pretty. Odd. is officially released on Tuesday, but it was on MTV's Leak, so of course I already have it on my iPod. It is fantastically awesome supercalifragilistic expialidoscious. My favorite songs are When the Day Met the Night, Folkin' Around, Northern Downpour, She Had the World, She's a Handsome Woman, That Green Gentleman, and Mad as Rabbits. I like quite a few of them, as you can see :)

So a lot has happened since I last posted, but there doesn't seem much to update on. I know I owe a biiig update but I don't know what I should talk about. I guess it's harder to talk about things if they don't really effect me or something. Okay, for this part, I'm going to try to not think about the fact that Nicole reads this.



I don't have a cute new crush to talk about. I can barely remember what the butterflies feel like, but that's a different story. For the record, I don't like TJ. I think the fact that all the girls want him makes him more attractive, but no, I don't like him. Anyways, Nicole does. Of course she's flirting with him and stuff, and OF COURSE he thinks she's cute. Yeah I'm jealous. I kind of said as much the other day, and she was like, "Well I have to work for it... I'm always the one to make the first move." As if she's denying the fact that she can get any guy? I don't really know. All I do know is that that somehow made it worse. I shouldn't be bitter about this. I don't even know why I'm being bitter! Something Nicole said in her blog pissed me off. She was talking about TJ and she's like, "He plays my favorite position in the sport he plays, and it also happens to the be the position that I love to play." (that's a direct quote) Is she even entitled to have a favorite position for baseball? And saying that it's the position she "loves to play"? What. The. Crap. No, honey, you don't play baseball, nor do you play softball. PE doesn't count. You don't know what it's like to play shortstop and obviously you aren't going to learn any time soon (thanks for bailing on that, by the way). You love to watch baseball, whatever. Stop trying to pass yourself off for someone who actually knows what it's like to play.

Should I explain why I don't have any patience for Nicole? I'll start with the most recent thing she's done. About a week ago, it was a time when I started to dislike Phil, and Nicole was already pissed and hating on him. I was talking to her about some of the things I didn't like (I know, that's not good anyways), and at the same time I was talking to Phil about how he changed. Eventually he was thankful that I told him and we got along, started talking about Connor. I was just telling him how Connor never acknowledges my existance and so I stopped trying to like say hi to him. Blah blah blah, Phil gets to, "He needs a girl like you. You see the girls he's gone for before? Alyssa and Alli. Both needy whiney bitches." As it's not out of character for Phil to say something like that, I didn't think anything of it. My big mistake was showing Nicole the conversation. Yeah, you guessed it, she showed Alli what Phil said. No fucking regard for how that would effect me (ie: hurting Phil, making me lose all his trust right after we made up). I got so mad at her. I was crying, and then she called and made it even worse and I hung up on her. We didn't talk for a few days, until I couldn't take it. We got it "settled" (even though obviously I don't think it's settled). The thing is, it really did not seem to effect her at all in that time that I didn't talk to her. She said she knew I "just needed time to calm down." Screw that.

You do have commitment issues, Nicole. I hardly believe anything that you say anymore, did you know that? Ever since you bailed on softball, which you built up so much. And right after that you were talking about trying lacrosse? Yeah, didn't believe that. I never believed you were going to do ASB, and I was right on that (and you built that up a lot too). I still don't believe that you're going to do softball next year. Every freaking thing you say, I don't care. I know this is going to hurt you knowing that I think about you like this, but you know what? Maybe I want to hurt you like you've hurt me.

Happy freaking Easter.

You're the echoes of my everything,

You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.
You're the laziness of afternoon,
You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom.
You're the leaky sink of sentiment,
You're the failed attempts I never could forget.
You're the metaphors I can't create to comprehend this curse that I call love...


Aughdafldkajiweo;fja. I'm tired. I made the JV team. We have practice for two hours every day after school and we had two scrimages today. We lost the first one 8-3 and won the second 15-3. I got a monster hit in the first one-- ask if you want more details.

Today was also Ginny's birthday party. She had a bonfire on the beach and it was reallyyy fun. We played Husbands & Wives, Toilet Tag, this Bacon-type game, and The Mafia game. We roasted smores and played with the volleyball. All in all, my kind of party. And Ginny also gave me and Sam these kickass "Vote Petrelli" pins. Awesome. OH. And remember a long time ago, when I first heard Chad cuss? Well so we were playing that Bacon game and his team kept getting penalties, so my team was calling them out on it. So Chad goes, "You're all just a bunch of pussies!" I was like O.O Then he was acting all high and mighty so I was like, "Do I have to tell your mother what you just said?" And everyone was like "Ooooooohhhh...." (You know what I'm talking about). It was pretty sweet.

I guess I don't have too much time to think anymore, which is probably a good thing. Tomorrow I have nothing to do though, so I'll probably be incredibly bored. In fact, I don't even know what to think. Connor? Well yeah, I think about him, but what can I say that you haven't already heard?

I Want Candy... Dead.

I haven't updated in a long time, I know I know I know. But there hasn't been anything really update-worthy.

Well okay, Phil told me who likes me. He said he talked to him on Valentines Day. Phil said that he said something about not liking me as much anymore, or he didn't really like me, he just thought I was cute. Whatever. Phil says I'm not supposed to say who it is on here, not like anyone but him and Nicole read this anyway. But it's seriously the last person you would ever guess (I didn't even think of him when I was trying to guess who it was). That also kind of made me feel better about liking Connor. It's pretty much the same thing; I like him, he barely knows I exist. I always thought I was pathetic and wierd for still liking him even though we have virtually no contact, but the situation with the guy that liked me made me realize it's not all too wierd. If that makes sense.

So it's President's Week off from school, and it is so very boring. I miss everyone a ton, too. I talk to Nicole online, but even she hasn't been on a lot the past few days. And I miss Phil, like a super lot. He basically feels like a brother now and it's wierd. I was looking at his Facebook profile and I just wanted to message him to tell him that I missed him, but I mean, he'd only get it once he gets back, so it's not like it really matter anyways. Oh, and Hot Spanish Guy (from here on referred to as HSG). Okay, so I don't miss all my 'friends' that much. Uhh, alrighty then. Moving on.

Tryouts! Yes, softball tryouts were this week. Varsity started bright and early (grumble) on Saturday morning and was continued on Monday. I, unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?), wasn't good enough to continue on to the running portion of tryouts. So yeah, I didn't make it. But it did help me get my nerves out about JV tryouts, and that's all I was really hoping for. JV tryouts started even brighter and earlier on Wednesday and Thursday. On Wednesday we did fielding and Thursday we did batting. I have to say that after seeing the unexperienced girls, I'm not all that worried any more. I also said I wanted to play first base, which'll be amazing to finally play again (if I make the team, that is).

I fantasize about Panic at the Disco too much. So I was thinking about, say, Brendon. He's like 19 or 20. That's only 5 or 6 years older than me. He's also single. Combine those factors with a very active imagination, and you get the conviction that you and Brendon Urie are made for each other. Then, when you think about it, of course he wouldn't want anything to do with a 14 year old. Maybe in ten years it won't seem much of a difference, but as of now, the age difference is painfully cruel. It's so close, yet so far. I can't properly fantasize about him now, because I get caught up in the technicalities. When it was Pete (yes I am saying he isn't as huge a deal anymore), it was such a gap so that it didn't even need to be realistic. Just for fun, you know? Jeez, who knew fantasies could get so complicated.
Today I watched that full concert DVD on Youtube again. It's making me mourn the loss of their 'sceneness.' Now that they're all happy hippies, Ryan isn't wearing makeup and his hair's all... bad. I guess I didn't get to experience that stage so much while they were going through it, so I feel like I missed out. Everyone says it's the changes that you go through from around 18-21. I guess that's true, but that doesn't make it suck less.

As always happens on long boyless breaks, I spend a good deal obsessing about any boys I can. It's almost enough to make me want to go for Connor again. Almost. But I digress (you really don't know how much I love saying that). It's pretty insane, dude. Like the other day there was nothing good on TV, and I probably would have gone back upstairs on the computer, but I consented to watch Cory in the House because of Jason Dolley. I'm serious. After that, I looked up pictures of him online. And today I was watching TV while eating lunch and I spent a good amount of time debating with myself if I wanted to go upstairs, because Phil of the Future was on. Now, I don't really think that Ricky Ullman is all that great looking. But I watched it anyway. I know, I know. And the title? That's this really stupid thing on Youtube with this really weird kids, Connor and Devon. I think Connor's cute [why, God? Connor. Of course. As if I don't endure enough of that (Connor and Olivia are both the #8 most popular baby name of 2007. Subtle things like that are what kill me. Slowly. Um, I'm kind of going off topic now.)], and Devon has the biggest mouth I have ever seen in my life. So I kinda watched a lot of that and, well, whatever. They're pretty sexy. Oh wow, did I really just say that?
--I miss Connor. Still, and I probably will for like, ever. You have no idea. Well, you might, but it sounds more pitiful if I say it like that. Last night (actually very early this morning) I was talking to Katie and I said I had only known of two guys that liked me. That would be Clark and the one I can't say. Then I remembered Connor. I allowed myself to go back an remember and relive how it felt. In retrospect, that probably opened a door that is better left shut, but whatever. I remember the butterflies in math class. How I would pretend to look at the clock only so I could sneak a glance at him. How before class he would come over and sit by me and talk to me, ask what's up. How I would turn into a babbling idiot whenever he talked to me, and the butterflies that showed up as I was walking to 8th period. I remember making Nicole tell him that I liked him, and how he seemed interested in that little fact. I remember that night when I got home from babysitting to find Jordan on, and (I knew it intuitively, I swear) Connor was over at his house and how we talked online: how that gave me the most massive case of butterflies ever. I remember how Jordan kept teasing me, saying stupid little things like, "How are you and your lover doing?" How Jordan told me that Connor liked me and how Jordan told him to ask me out. I remember never talking to him again after that. I might write more later today, because it's almost 12:30 and I really should be getting to bed.



(Do you think I've done enough parenthesis this post?)

Nine in the Afternoon

First order of business:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=gngtI8P3aYo
SQUEEE NINE IN THE AFTERNOON MUSIC VIDEO! Excuse me whilst my heart explodes.

Second order of business:
SIMPLE PLANS NEW ALBUM! Yes yes, it's good. I have it on my iPod. I'm too lazy to find the link, so go to mtv.com and find it yourself.

Okay, this blog is getting really behind. I dunno, I just haven't been in an update-y mood? Anyways, I'll help y'all get back on track.

In PE I'm hanging out with Racquel more. We're making a musical xD. We have the choreography down for the racquetball court scene. Hahaha, we are just that awesome. So in health, we have to do a nutrition chart thing. I guess I'll record it here too, because, you know. Yeah.
Breakfast: An orange!
Snack: Nada.
Lunch: A pizza lunchable (including the bread, cheese, and sauce, along with two Starbursts and a Kool-Aid juice pouch thingy).
After school: A banana creme smoothie! (including 2 bananas, a little bit of peanut butter and honey, 1 cup of milk, and a few ice cubes) And also a bottle of water.
Dinner: A bowl of Raisin Bran cereal and milk.
Dessert: A frozen banana with chocolate sauce drizzled on it and 3 marshmallows.

Mmm, food. Where was I?


Alright, so Phil should tell me who likes me. Really really. I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA. And I'm boycotting Valentine's Day -nodnod-. Me and Phil were talking about it in English and Brittanni was like, "Oh really? I'm making heart shaped cookies for my boyfriend!" Phil and I were like "..."

That's pretty much it.

Send my Love to the Dance Floor, I'll See You in Hell

Hey Mr. DJ
You gotta put a record on, yeah
We're gonna bury this town tonight
We're gonna dance all night
-Send my Love to the Dance Floor... by Cobra Starship


See that great title? Oh yeah. Tonight is the night of winter formal, and I'm not there. Fun, huh? So this blog post is probably going to be just a bunch of random crap that floats into my head because I am so bored. (P.S. Nicole you told me that you weren't going to WF either!)

Sorry it's been so long. Nothing really that important has happened. Except... PANIC AT THE DISCO IS COMING TO SD ON APRIL 12!!! And Nine in the Afternoon is awesometastic *nodnod*.


School is, well, school. English is actually okay because I sit by Phil and Brittanni and Payal and Sarah, so that's fun. We're doing a creative writing assignment and mine is a short story called 'Daydreamer.' The story just starts as I'm sitting in class, trying to think of something to write for the story, and in a Walter Mitty way, I float in and out of daydreams, and in the end, I don't have enough time to write the story. I think it's pretty good. Oh, and yesterday, Ms. Singleton was like yelling at me! I tried to point out something that was unclear and so she totally stomped all over me. Pfft.

Spanish.. Ah... Spanish. Hot Hot Hot Superhot guy is in that class. Like, I'm not even kidding. I'm pretty sure his name is Christian, just spelled some wierd way. Anyways, he is unimaginably hot. You don't even know. I swear he should be a model, because I just CAN'T STOP looking at him. And no, I don't think I have a chance with him whatsoever (boy, would that be nice if I did). I don't care that much, because I'm not even like trying to want to believe that I can hope I have a chance with him. So, you know, it's all good.

Third period math. Bo-ring. Doug sits behind me, and like, he doesn't exactly tap his foot, but he always has his feet on the shelf-thingy on my desk, and then he shifts. A lot. It's really annoying.

Bio is really boring too. Now that Tracey and Carrie aren't in my class :( I sit by Karina. I swear she like can't think for herself or something because she always has to check my paper to see what I wrote. At the next table are Matt and Heidi, and they're cool. Matt was in my bio last semester, so I know him from there. I know Heidi 'cause she was in class comp. Yeah, I'm glad I met her.

P.E. is okay I guess. No where NEAR as good as last semester, but I have Kathryn and Sarah and Racquel in my class. We're playing racquetball.

Health is pretty awesome too. I have Coach J, and he is super cool (Are you gonna do it tomooooorrow, or you gonna do it TODAY?). And cutie cute cute health guy. Collin :). I've already described him, and ah, he is yummyliscious. Hahaha. And dude, that guy I said looks like Sanjaya? Well he still does, but I think he's a lot cuter ;).


I have to say it for the world to hear: Nicole and Phil broke up. I won't go into detail, because that's their own stuff. All I can say is, is anything right in the world?

Oh, and on the boy subject (because I just haven't talked about boys enough), I still like Connor, and I still have no clue who likes me. I kind of thought the guy that likes me might ask me to winter formal, but obviously no one did. So maybe he'll sieze the opportunity of a little thing called Valentine's Day? As you know, I have way too much free time to think and whatnot, so I have a pretty active imagination. Firstly, I hope to God that Phil isn't lying to me. Like, he feels so bad for me that he needed to create a nonexistant guy to make me feel better. Nuh uh. The second thing I think of is who it could possibly be. I know Phil already said it wasn't Connor, and if you catch me suspecting that it is, please slap me. Anyways, apparently I like to fantasize that Connor really IS the person, and Phil just didn't tell me because he wasn't allowed to. Ugh. Oh, and I've made a mental list of who it might be, and I categorizied into who I would want it to be, people I wouldn't mind it being, and people that I'm praying it's not.


So I told you this post would be full of random crap, right? Well you're getting what you bargained for! Now, I call this segment, Count The Cameos! In the record label Fueled by Ramen, all the bands are friends (I guess) and they do a bunch of cameos in music vids. Lets see just how many we can find!

(The first one is Ryan Ross' guest guitar in "The Take Over, The Breaks Over." I don't know if that counts as a cameo, but nyah.)

Let's start with Fall Out Boy!
A Little Less Sixteen Candles http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-VifE8EK8w :
2. Dirty! He's the guy in the middle of the street at 3:08, and the one will the phone when it shows those black people in the car.. You also see him get attacked by some vampire at 3:37. Hehehe.
3. I'm not too sure about this one, but at 3:22 there's a brief shot of a guy doing some gang sign. I think that's Travie Mccoy from GCH.
4. Ryro (PATD)/William Beckett (The Academy Is...). I really really don't know which one! Mmkay, well, one of them is the lead dandy. I've heard different people say it's Ryan, and different people say is William. (but I think it's Ryro)
5. At five minutes, you see a shot of 3 dandies like controlling these women around them. The middle dandy is Brendon Urie ^^ (PATD)
6. Since I forgot to get times, and I don't want to go back and watch the whole thing just to find out when he's in it, I'll just tell you. The guy in the black with the hat (not Patrick)? I'm pretty sure that's their manager. Pretty pretty sure.

Next comes Gym Class Heroes (and there might be more, I just don't usually watch their music videos)
Clothes Off! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NUxMgzHdic :
7. PETE! He's the elvis! Seen at :22-:25, :51, and 2:28.
8. 1:10 Bald guy with the eyepatch? Mhmm, the manager again.
9. 3:50-3:56, Brendon, Spencer, Ryan, and Jon (PATD)! They make this video. Seriously.

Cupid's Chokehold http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiiU-Fky18s :
10. Patrick! The guy reading the newspaper at :03 and :17. :D

Now we have Cobra Starship. I'm guessing that hey have so many cameos because they're just strating off.
Bring It! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1wMyKQ6jUg :
Some of these I don't know if they're considered cameos, because they do part of the song, but whatever.
11. William Beckett (The Academy Is...) is on the left of Gabe (the singer) at :16, and he's in it a lot. I'm not going to point out all the times. Pay attention for yourself, gosh. He sings the "So kiss me goodbye, something something make it out alive. So kiss me goodbye, I can see the venom in their eyes."
12. Travie Mccoy (GCH) is on the right of Gabe at :16. And yeah, he does a lot too, so just look for the black man with a fro and a lip piercing and that's probably him. Oh, and he starts rapping at 1:59.
13. PEEETE! He turns around at 1:47. ^^
14. Okay okay okay, in one of the comments it says the guy at 2:19 is Samuel L. Jackson. Whether or not this is true, I can't tell.

Send My Love to the Dance Floor, I'll See You in Hell http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84saYemcJQY&feature=related :
15. PATRICK is the effing rabbit! You first see him at :06. Actually I think that's the only cameo, but you should watch the vid because the song is good and it's funny...

The City is at War http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNF08htoH00&NR=1 :
Oh, and this doesn't count, but the bar scenes were shot at Angels & Kings, Pete's bar :)
16. Oh lookie, the manager dude again, at 1:44.
17. PEEETE! Hahaha. Okay, at 2:22, he's the cop on the right.
18. Doug! Haha, I love Doug (of Doug Does Decaydance). He is the dude Gabe pies at 2:32.


So that's 18 cameos, and only 3 bands. Wowzers. Well, I'm bored, so this is Olivia signing off!

Tell Me Everything

First day of new schedules... how was it? Not great.

Connor was NOT in any of my classes (surprise surprise, right?). I think I'll just give a run-down on each of my classes.

1st period: Ingles, mi clase favorito. I sat by Phil and Kathryn and Max, and it was just awesome. Pretty much everyone had friends in there so we were really loud and basically didn't listen to anything Ms. Singleton said. :)

2nd period: Spanish. I'll have to keep you updated on whether or not I like it. Mckenna, Tess, Brittani, and Savannah sat right by me. They are not what you need at like, 8:30 AM >.< The best part (by far) is the hunka hunka burnin' love that sat across the room. Hahahahaha. He was so freaking 'OH EM GEE.' Like, male model. He's big, but not as in fat. He's tall and fills out his clothes (WITH MUSCLE!) and he has a deep voice. And PER-FECT hair. But I'm pretty positive he's not a freshman (and probably not even a sophomore either).

3rd period: Math. Well, I can't say anything nice about the coursework, that's for sure. I don't like when teachers let you sit anywhere when you don't know anyone in the class, which is what happened in math. I sat behind Ashley Romano, who I sat behind before. Then pretty much all the seats around us filled up with these skaters. Okay?

4th period: Bio. I DIDN'T FAIL MY LAB! I DIDN'T FAIL MY LAB! I GOT AN A! Ahem. Yeah. I don't like bio now that Tracey and Carrie aren't in my class :( I had to sit by Karina and Hiedi and Matt. Blahh.

5th period: P.E. We just hung out in the gym the whole period, which is alright. Ginny and Kathryn and Phil are in my class, but we're going to be seperated into levels for swim, so I don' know...

6th period: Health. It was sooo incredibly boring today. We got there, and we had a sub, so she was all, "We're going to go to the library in about 10 minutes to get your Health books." So we did nothing for 10 minutes, went to the library, that took all of 5 minutes, then sat around for the rest of the period. I knew about 2 people in there, and niether of them sat by me. That sucked. Except this REALLY INSANELY CUTE guy sat near me. He's asian, kind of seems like wasian a little bit, and he also has like perfect emo/skater hair. He's loud and funny, which seems to be the kind of guy I go for. And Sanjaya! Yeah, we have a guy who looks just like Sanjaya. Fun stuff.



PHIL WHEN WILL I FIND OUT WHO LIKES ME???

My Heart is the Worst Kind of Weapon

*is trying to the of a good beginning sentence, and can't*

Why can I not stop thinking about supposed-crushing-on-me guy? Seriously? WHO IS IT?? This is unfair. The conversation with Phil gave me a few (very few) facts about him. Firstly, he's good looking. And I asked Phil about his judgement on good looking guys, and he said that at least girls think mystery man is okay looking. Adding to that, he has okay fashion sense, meaning it's not Phil-like but it's not terrible (which, really, doesn't give me any basis at all). Well, we already have what he said about me, but I asked Phil if the guy was serious, and he said the conversation went something like this:
He-Who-I-Do-Not-Know-The-Name-Of: "Hey Phil, you have a girlfriend, right?"
Phil: "Yeah, why?"
"Well, I like this girl, but I don't know what to do? Could you help?"
"Who's the girl?"
"Olivia Ross."
And that's all he told me about that. I might be able to figure something from how he said my whole name (as opposed to just Olivia), and yet I can't think of anything. Oh, and Phil also made it clear that it was an 'aquiantance.' That doesn't give me anything. I asked him if I would find out who it is. He said I would, but not from him (Phil). WTF???

The Future Freaks Me Out

So, it's 11 PM on a Saturday night, what am I doing? Of course I'm on the computer. Of course I've been on it for 2 hours (in one sitting).

Nicole and Phil worked out their problems! Hoorah! Yeah, I was totally in the middle of all that. Sucky, huh? Oh well, I'm glad they've straightened everything out.

So we took our finals on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I think they were all pretty easy. EXCEPT BIO. The lab, my God, I messed up so much. The sugar was supposed to turn the yeast samples blue and yellow, but mine turned both of them blue. Ahh, whenever I think about it I get frustrated. So I'll stop. But if I don't get a good enough grade on it, I have a B in bio :/

The new semester starts this Wednesday. Do I want it to start? I don't know. I just want to like, have a list of everyone in my classes. That way I can decide if I am looking forward to it or not. And, as said before, I want Connor in at least one of my classes.

Alright, now that Phil and Nicole are cool again, I figure it's okay for me to pester Phil with my problems again. I told him tonight that I was thinking... What if I'm one of those girls that like, never gets a boyfriend? Or that I'll be 18, still in the same situation I'm in right now. And then I think he said being single is okay or something, and I responded by saying that it was easy for him to say, being attractive to a lot of girls. He told me that he knows about two guys that think I'm 'attractive.' One as a fact, or whatever. I asked him what he said about me and when. Phil said that he said: "'Olivia's really cute. I think she's like...adorable. She smiles so great! (somin like that) I like her, but I don't know if she likes me.'"
He told me that this person said it about a week or two ago. And of course, he can't tell me who said that. >.< Except for sure it's not Connor. (He also reassured me that this person 'is not that bad looking.' Alright?)

And you know what? My self esteem is so low that I pretty much don't believe him. That's right. I think he's flat out lying. Well, I guess I believe that HE believes it. I just don't. And my hope gets the better of me (once again) as I try to figure out who would tell him that. It's probably one of his friends, and I guess he's not bad looking.

???

Battle Hymn

FINALS WEEK. Actually, it's not really that bad. I think my like.. senses.. are too calm. Haha, I probably should be stressing, and yet I'm not. It's wierd. It's like I'm on some calm-down drug. Hm.

Oh, I am upset at schedule changes. I get that you have to change electives, but why the whole schedule? Basically, you make new friends, and right after, they make you switch and find new friends. It's like this one Clandestine hoodie I've always like: "Give love, then take it away." Well, it's hard to explain. And I don't have any classes with Nicole anymore :( The ONE possible good thing that can come out of this is that Connor could be in one of my new classes. I'm trying not to hope on this one. It's a long shot anyway (I'm desperate).

Another thing. I am very glad that I don't like Chad anymore. You know how they say men who wear jewelry are vain or whatever? So Chad has always worn this one necklace, it's like his thing. That's okay and all. But today he found some pinky ring on the ground and started wearing it. It's a total like bling thing and NOT FOR CHAD. All of us were like begging him to take it off but he wouldn't. Dude, that would be embarrassing if I still liked him. Hahaha.

I'm not going to go to Winter Formal. I will if A. I win a ticket for free or B. Connor asks me. Yeah, niether is going to happen (although I do have a slight slight chance for that free ticket). So I was talking to Bella and Sam today and Bella asked if we were going to Winter Formal, and both of us said, "Probably not." I told them the that I would only go if I got a free ticket, and Sam agreed. The Bella asked me if I would go if some one asked me, and I said, "Probably not." They laughed and whatever, but like, no one's going to ask me anyway. And I wouldn't want to go with anyone but Connor, so yeah :/


Life, all in all, is alright now. It's a 'meh' kind of time. Not good, not bad. Meh.

(There are no) Raindrops on Roses and Girls and White Dresses

It's sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses
the shade of the sheets and before all the stains
and a few more of your least favorite things..

I am currently in love with Panic! at the Disco. Well, that song. Build God, Then We'll Talk. I AM in love with lead guitarist and lyricist, Ryan Ross. Ryro. I love him. He is gorgeous! And he has that face, where you can tell how shy and sweet and quiet he is. Plus he the lyricist, which also kind of says something. He's only 21. I mean, that's only a 7 year difference...

I LOVE HIM!

Cough. Okay. More important things then. (Did I mention he is fabulous live? or his Ryro makeup? yeah I'm done now.) So finals week is coming up. Blahh I hate it! I've already had to give a speech and do a skit for spanish. I got a 96 on the freshmen speech and I don't know about spanish yet, but I'm guessing I did pretty well. Oh, and the math test on Tuesday, well. I don't think I did very well on that at all.. There were two that I had no freaking idea how to do, so I left the answers blank. I mean, I tried the bonus, but I probably got it wrong anyway.

I'm thinking that song has made me kinda ehh-ish. I don't know, I don't care anymore. Sure, everytime I see Connor it really sucks. But I just haven't really been 'there' lately, if you know what I mean. Well, whatever.

Wishing to be the Friction in Your Jeans

Teenage girl - regular contact with teenage boys = D:

Yes. I have become boy deprived over this break, and you can tell. Firstly, that guy Silas at my grandma's birthday dinner. I was practically drooling. And well, I told Phil he looked a lot like Nick Jonas. Who did I crush on next? Nick Jonas. I know. Ashamed, I am. And I found this guy in a magazine, Austin Butler, he's been on Zoey 101 and Hannah Montana and iCarly and he soooooooo cute!!!! New celebrity crush, mmmmm.

I had this dream last night; don't judge me on it. I was basically in love with some one, although it wasn't anyone in particular that I can recall. I was just in the arms of some tall (very tall), broad guy. And I could really feel the true love. I don't know D: How embarrassing.

Is it wierd that the new year depresses me? I think it might be because last year my resolution was to finally find a boyfriend. I didn't make any resolutions this year.