Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

I like this title ^^
To explain the below post, I am going to be completely honest, even though I know Nicole will read this and it's not exactly complimenting her... Nicole, you might not want to read this.

So recently Nicole has had a tooooonn of drama with Ashley and Alli. I'm cool with being there for her and letting her rant to me. Anyways, what made me mad is that even though Ashley is not a good friend, and she constantly hurts Nicole, Nicole always picks her over me. Really. So I'm trying to listen to Nicole's crap about her friends and sometimes it's just like, "I'm sorry, but who's fault is this again?" So anyways, I just started to get slightly annoyed. Add to that the fact that Phil is a super hugemongous part of her life (at this time). So yesterday Nicole and I planned on hanging out today after school... until last night that is. Apparently Phil told his parents about Nicole and they got all mad about the stupid tradition thing and told him that he couldn't go out with her or whatever or else they would 'kick him out.' Nicole finds out: "I FUCKING HATE THIS. FUCKK." I talk to Phil about it: "Hold on, just let me do something. FUCK DAMN SHITTTTTTT." And right now I'm sort of tired of being the, I don't know, middle person? The person that they both go for advice and I always try my hardest to please them and it's just a lot of stress because so much is put on me... Anyways, Nicole asks me if I would wait for her after school so she can talk to Phil. Right then I was already pissed and trying not to show it (for her sake). So I just have to say, "Well what the crap do you expect me to do?" And suddenly she realizes I'm mad and she says she doesn't want to fight and whatever. The crazy part is the fact that I actually had to vent to Ginny about it, because I usually vent to Nicole or Phil but then I was kind of mad. Ginny kind of just said I was right, and that Nicole shouldn't change plans with me for Phil. I guess we ended up cancelling... and Nicole couldn't schedule it again because of her mom. But she's probably happy that we did cancel because she had a little rendezvous with Phil while we were supposed to be hanging out (oh yes, I know about that Nicole). AND I FEEL LIKE A HORRIBLE PERSON BECAUSE THIS IS PROBABLY RAINING ON HER PARADE RIGHT NOW.
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I feel like the advice/comfort person. It flatters me because people trust me enough to come to me and believe I can help them. But then it becomes too much. I don't want to dissappoint people that need help. I don't want to see my friends upset or sad... even if it means that nobody really focuses on my problems.


Sam texted me today; he didn't make the soccer team. :( :( :( I tried my hardest to say something remotely comforting, and I couldn't think of anything good.

I am ashamed. Hating myself. I don't want to say it, for fear that it'll become real. If you want to ask me what it is, I'll probably tell you. Well, only if your name is Nicole or Phil (but Phil doesn't know about this blog so not really him).