Tired of Being Sorry

Hokay. It's nice writing here because I pretty much have no human contact outside of my family (oh, and my brother's friends). That gives me a lot of time to think, as you can imagine.

Sooo I talked to Phil about what I wrote yesterday. About getting my hopes up. Here, I'll just post the convo:
ojaybean: hey you know how you were talking to me about connor the other day
jdmdrifterkarate: yepp
jdmdrifterkarate: wut about it?
ojaybean: and like, okay, you probably dont even remember but it stuck in my mind
ojaybean: you were trying to convince me that he knows who i am and you told me that he looked at me every time i passed
ojaybean: and i really dont want to get my hopes up
jdmdrifterkarate: y would i lie?
ojaybean: so i know youre trying to help, but try not to say anything that will get my hopes up
ojaybean: i dont know
jdmdrifterkarate: im not
ojaybean: because you wanted me to feel better
jdmdrifterkarate: kk, not all the time
jdmdrifterkarate: but most of the tme
jdmdrifterkarate: i promise
jdmdrifterkarate: he oes
jdmdrifterkarate: does*
ojaybean: ..and does he look at a lot of people?
jdmdrifterkarate: well, no, just kinda
jdmdrifterkarate: when i say, hey wasup, he look at u
jdmdrifterkarate: and then talks to me
jdmdrifterkarate: and seriuos;y
jdmdrifterkarate: for a guy, that means a lot
ojaybean: okay
ojaybean: well i just wanted to make sure
ojaybean: like not trying to get you to reassure me
ojaybean: but just a warning: i get my hopes up waaay too much

But even though he might look at me more than other people (I guess?), that does NOT mean he remembers me. He's probably thinking, 'Gosh, where have I seen her before?' Which is actually really probable. Like I said, I am the one looking at HIM when I pass, so I don't know what Phil's smoking.

Oh me, the ever optimistic one. Anyway, Nicole, I will ask you to either confirm or... not confirm. So I'll talk to you about it probably before you read this, so I don't really know why I'm writing it.